Finding Cat
by Buteraflies
Summary: Cat Valentine is a very talented girl, if only her family and friends could see that. After being doubted most of her life, she slips into depression and fakes who she is for approval. Ignored and doubted, Cat doesn't know what to do anymore. Possible trigger warning.
1. Only the Beginning

**Finding Cat**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.**

**(Possible TW - Mentions of depression and self-harm)**

You know how when you're younger an adult asks you what you to be when your older? For me that's always been to be a singer. Yeah, yeah, impossible. Don't worry, everyone says that to me. I just want to do something different in life. I mean I could always become a doctor or a lawyer but that's not really for me.

"Cat!" Sikowitz yelled at me.

"Whatty?" I reply with my signature fake high pitch voice. I know what your thinking, why? Well, everyone at this school thinks of be as some ditsy redhead who is incapable of anything. How wrong they are. But of course, I can't do anything about it. People would start to judge. So I just go along with that image.

"I've been yelling your name so many times! Now tell me, what is going on inside your head?" Sikowitz replies. If only you knew. I just giggle, trying to play dumb again.

"Now, moving on with class..." Sikowitz says.

* * *

The day slugs on and on until I finally hear the end of the day bell. I rush out of the classroom and hop onto my pink bike and pedal home. I rush into my room and start to cry. This has been a daily procedure. How do you think it feels for everyone, _even your own parents,_ to doubt you and think your stupid? There is only one person who knows the real me. She's the only one I use my real voice around. And that is my best friend Alexa Luria. I met her in kindergarden when I lived in Boca Raton, Flordia. I miss Boca. It was a beautiful place. I had to move because my mom got a new job here in LA. I dial Alexa's number and wait.

"Hey Kitty, what's up?" Alexa greets. My mood instantly gets better.

"Lex, they're just so mean and I can't deal with them anymore. They all think I'm gonna fail and I just miss you so much and-" By now I'm sobbing.

"Kitty, I wasn't going to tell you now, but, I'M GOING TO LA TO MEET YOU!" Lex screams into the phone.

"WHAT?! LEX THAT IS AMAZING I MISS YOU SO MUCH!" I reply still crying but with tears of joy.

"I leave next week" Lex informs me. "But until then, what you have to is show those snots at Hollywood Arts what you've got. I've heard you sing. You're amazing. Your face lights up when you do. Don't ever stop being yourself, love. I have to go pack," I giggle because knowing Alexa she hasn't even packed yet and she's leaving in a week. I hang up and laugh, which I haven't done in a while. I pull out my songbook.

I start writing a new song about one of my previous boyfriends.

I looked in my rearview mirror and  
It seemed to make a lot more sense  
Than what I see ahead of us, ahead us

I'm ready to make that turn  
Before we both crash and burn  
Cause that could be the death of us, the death of us, baby

You know how to drive in rain  
You decided not to make a change  
Stuck in the same old lane  
Going the wrong way home

"CAT! DINNER!" Mom yells. I sigh. Well that's a good start, I guess. I trudge downstairs and smell the spaghetti. I play with the spaghetti on my fork. This of course gets a scolding, the usual. Everything I do is wrong. I pick at my plate. There are these giant meatballs with it and tiny meat around the spaghetti. When will my parents learn I don't like meat?

"So Cat, do you still think you'll be a singer?" my mom asks with a laugh causing the whole family to laugh. I look down at my plate, still refusing to eat this. I sip some of my water.

"May I be excused?" my voice breaks in fear. My mom just waved me off. She doesn't care. They just dive into my uneaten plate like animals. Disgusting. I run upstairs. I jump onto my bed annoyed. Annoyed with my family, annoyed with my "friends", just annoyed with the world. It gets harder and harder to fake a smile. My friends don't even care about me. I talk, but then Tori, Andre, or someone more important than me talks over. If I'm being honest, they're all more important than me. Even Rex. And that _hurts. _I'm no one to them. I never share my feelings with anyone but Lex because they don't care. They've made me depressed and they haven't noticed. But enough with that. I grab my songbook and try to look for inspiration. Nothing. I try to continue with my newly written song, but I can't. I'm drained for the day. I'm just _done. _I look for my razor. I cut it into my skin, making a scar to match the others. I feel like I can breathe a bit better. I then wipe away the blood and stare in the mirror. _What have I become?_

Look on the bright side, Lex is coming! I try to encourage myself but I can't at this point. I just cuddle into the blanket and cry myself to sleep.

**Awe, poor Cat! Don't worry, I'm planning on making it a lot better for her. Please review to tell me what you think!**


	2. Neglect

**Finding Cat  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.  
(Possible TW - mentions of depression)**

* * *

I bolt awake. I check the time, it's still quite dark out. 3:14 AM. I silently groan. Why does this keep happening? I have this awful dream where I am trapped in a room, and then the walls go higher and higher and then water floods in. I can't breathe, but I don't die. I'm just drowning. I begin to cry again, which I've been doing a lot lately. _Do not cry, do not cry._ I slowly drift back to sleep, against my will.

A few hours later I wake up having the same dream. I'm no psychologist, but I think this is bad. I shake my head of the thought, trying to focus on going to school. I'm actually not sure which is worse, my dream or school. I put of some "Cat appropriate" clothes. I hate having to hide who I am. I drag myself out the door. I am about to go on my pink bike, and I see Robbie. I have so many mixed emotions for him. I love him, but I hate him. He's a nice guy to me and is cute, but around our "friends" he's a jerk.

"Hey Robbie wait up!" I call out in my Cat voice and immediately regret it. He stops and turns around and gives me his famous smile which makes me love him.

"Hey Cat! I have to ask you a question. Do you think Tori likes me?" He asks. And that makes me hate him. What is with my emotions today?! I realize that he's staring at me with his big cute eyes.

"Um, I don't know. Tori's unpredictable." I say biting my lip to hold back the tears for the second time today. He thanks me and runs off. That's what makes me hate him. I glare at him while he's running away from me. I sigh and start to go to my doom; high school. Once I arrive I glance at people being themselves. How nice. I park my bike in the bike rack and knock down all the bikes. Of course. I mess everything up. My sleeve slips down and I quickly pull it up without anyone noticing. Good. After I pick up the bikes I walk inside and find my friends crowding Tori's locker. I try to see the video their watching but everyone is in the way. Ugh, why even bother. I head off to my first hour, Science, which is my favorite and best class. It hurts that everyone thinks that I'm failing all of my classes. But I have all A's. And that's what annoys me.

I sigh again. I open my textbook and start to take notes.

* * *

At lunch I order a salad and water and sit at our table. Everyone is sitting taking to each other. Tori comes up and everyone greets her, except for Jade. Isn't it weird how _no one_ notices me and _everyone _notices her? They all talk about the upcoming showcase which I'm not allowed to perform at because _Tori _took the last sign up spot. I slip away from them without them noticing of course and then I go to the bathroom. I grab my song book and continue my song.

I feel like my heart is stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic,  
I'm under pressure  
Cause I can't have you the way that I want  
Let's just go back to the way it was

When we were on Honeymoon Avenue  
Honeymoon Avenue  
Baby, coastin' like crazy  
Can we get back to the way it was?

I decide to call the song Honeymoon Avenue. I write it huge on the front of the page. the bell rings and I walk out of the bathroom. isn't it sad that I have to have lunch in the bathroom? Not that I ate anything. I have theater with my "friends". We are supposed to pick partners, but I don't get a partner. Tori and Andre, Jade and Beck, and Robbie and _Rex. _Even a puppet beat me. Wow.

I look around the class and find someone in the back. No. Samantha Puckett. She is my biggest bully, always picking on me and making me feel dumb, as if I didn't have enough problems to deal with then _her_.

"Ahh Cat, Cat, Cat, it looks like we're partners," she says, venom laced in her voice. I nod silently. "I would ask you to do all the work like I normally do with people, but your to stupid to understand any of this, all you think of is rainbows and unicorns." I bit back tears for like the hundredth time today. "But I don't care about grades so just get working, you idiot." I nod and start writing "our" script while she texts her friend. Typical.

* * *

**And that's chapter two! Hope you like it. Review your thoughts!**


	3. The Lonely

**Finding Cat  
****Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners  
****(Possible trigger warning - mentions of depression and hinted suicide)**

I scribble words down on "our" script not even caring anymore. If everyone thinks I'm a failure and dumb, what's the point of at least trying to write a good script? There is no point. Samantha is over there giggling because of her phone. Words can not describe how much I hate her. I glance over at my "friends" laughing and having fun. I forgot how it feels to be truly happy. After soaking in my surroundings for a bit, I try to get back to work, but I can't. So I write some crappy ending and turn it in not caring. The bell rings and I rush out glad the day is done and I can get away from these people. _Six more days 'till Lex gets here._

"Cat! I need advice!" Robbie shouts from behind me. My heart flutters a bit. He needs _my _help. I try not to show that much emotion, though. I can't make him think I'm too excited.

"Sure, Robbie! With what?" I ask almost forgetting to fake my voice.

"With Tori. I really like her but how do I know if she likes me?" he asks me with desperation in his voice. My heart sinks and my head slumps a bit. I shrug and leave him to his own thoughts. It's funny, for a second I thought he might actually like me. That's completely crazy to even think of. I plug in my headphones to my iPhone and play my playlist. The Lonely from Christina Perri comes on. I quietly sing the chorus

I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most  
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well

Dancing slowly in an empty room  
Can the lonely take the place of you?  
I sing myself a quiet lullaby  
Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again

I start silently crying at my life. I reach my house and park my bike. I wipe my tears away and enter silently. With a plop, I set my bag in my room and sit on the bed and go under the covers. I get my iPhone and text Lex. Immediately I see her FaceTime request. Normally, I would try to tidy up as I was crying, but honestly I don't care anymore. I click accept and see Lex on my screen. Her expression is heartbroken. She says soothing words into the phone and I just nod. It calmed me down a lot.

"Kitty, now that your calmed down a bit, if you wouldn't mind telling me what happened?" Lex asks gently. Honestly, I don't want to talk about it, but I'd do anything for Lex.

"Well, my "friends" ignored me again. I had lunch in a bathroom. And in theater we had to pick partners and my friends didn't want me. To top it all off I had Samantha as a partner and all she did was tell me how stupid I am and texted. Then, Robbie asked me if Tori likes him when I love and hate him. I just realized what a mess I am. I'm so close to ending it. And the worst thing is they don't care," I admit, crying again.

"I'm gonna kill them. They're so naive. I hate them. But beyond that, can you sing for me? It always makes you feel better. Please?" Lex asks.

"You know I can't, my parents." I whisper. Lex gives an understanding look. I finally look at where Lex is. I'm suddenly curious. She's not at her house. Where could she be?

"Wait, where are you?" I ask my curiosity getting the better of me. I hear a knock on my door. I open it and I can't believe it. It's Lex. She gives me a huge hug as I sob into her shirt. We release from the hug and her smile grows more, if possible. I hang up the FaceTime as there is no need for it because she's right in front of me.

"Wow, when you said your room really wasn't you, you weren't kidding," she observes and jumps onto my bed.

"I know, I had to change everything about myself." I explain. "At school I talk like this," I say in my Cat voice and do my famous laugh. Lex dies of laughter because of that. It's like 3 octaves above my voice.

"And they believe it?!" she says between laughs and I nod making her laugh more. I give her another hug. I'm so glad that I have my best friend back.

"Wait, where are you staying?" I ask. Lex tells me about a really cool hotel across the street. I nod approvingly, they have everything there. I suddenly get the best idea.

"How would you like to go to school with me tomorrow?" I say with excitement in my voice.

* * *

**And chapter three! I'm so excited to be using Alexa in this story. I hope you liked it! Review your thoughts!**


	4. Panic Attack

**Finding Cat**  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners  
(Possible trigger warning - mentions of depression and panic attack)**

Lex and I walk into Hollywood Arts with our arms linked laughing at some long inside joke. I talked to our principle, Helen, yesterday and she agreed to let Lex come to school with me because it was a 'learning experience' and I was her best student. As we enter, I notice everyone staring. Lex mutters a "how rude" and I giggle at that. The stares decrease because everyone realizes they're staring at me. I walk past my "friends" hoping they don't notice I'm here.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cat!" Tori says. Wow, I'm actually being recognized, this is shocking. I thought their world revolved around Tori. Of course I get attention now, when I least want it. I fake a smile and turn around.

"Whatty?" I say in my Cat voice and notice Lex biting back a laugh. They all glance at me like I'm an idiot. What's new?

"Who is this fine lady with you?" Robbie says flirtatiously and I mentally groan. I'm just done with him. Lex glared at him, this is why I love her so much.

"I'm Alexa, but I don't want to talk to any of you. So um, bye. Come on, let's go Kitty," Lex said sassily. I laugh so had I think that I'm gonna pee. She smirks at them before walking away. I compliment her on her sassy remarks and she just bows. I head into Science and give the teacher a note that said basically how Lex was gonna be in his class for a while. He nodded and told us to sit down.

* * *

During lunch, I don't sit with my "friends". Instead, I sit at a table with Lex. We notice a bunch of stares but ignore them. I turn around and notice my "friends" glaring at me. I shrug and continue my lunch. I was explaining to Lex about how pissed off I was at Tori because I _really _wanted to perform at the Showcase but she took the last spot. Lex glared back at my "friends". Suddenly, the thing I least expect happens.

"Cat, why aren't you sitting with us?" Tori says with a fake smile. My anxiety level escalates. I know I shouldn't be freaking out, but this has never happened and I'm afraid that she would embarrasses me in front of the whole school. She has the power to do that.

"I wanted to sit with Lex," I respond quietly. Tori's face hardens and glares at Lex for reasons I don't know. So first, she ignores me, and now that I've left she thinks she owns me? I feel my heart start to race a bit. My head starts spinning and I feel completely dizzy. I try to ignore it and get in conversation but I can't. I see Lex and Tori talking but I can't make out any of the words they're saying. My hands go numb, and I'm sweaty but freezing cold at the same time. I start to hyperventilate bringing attention to me. I slip out of my seat and onto the ground. My "friends" come and investigate what is happening and it makes me feel more crowded than ever. I am having a panic attack. That repeats over and over in my head. This can't be happening to me. I look at their facial expression and I only see one emotion; terror. Lex is telling them to back up and having me try and remain calm. This continues for about five minutes and it's over. I feel like crap. I sit back up on my seat and Lex shoos them away.

"You're still having panic attacks?" Lex asks in a soft voice and I nod. She gives me a hug. I'm ashamed of what happened. I just let out one of my biggest secrets ever. When lunch finishes, I go back to my locker and grab my song writing notebook, hoping to secretly work on Honeymoon Avenue in class. I sit down next to Lex and class begins. I hide my notebook between my notes and start to write. What I've come up with is:

Hey, what happened to the butterflies?  
Guess they encountered that stop sign  
And my heart is at a yellow light, a yellow light  
Hey, right when I think that we found it,  
Well, that's when we start turning around  
You're saying, "Baby, don't worry,"  
But we're still going the wrong way, baby

You know how to drive in rain  
And you decided not to make a change  
Stuck in the same old lane  
Going the wrong way home

"Caterina Valentine! What are you doing?" my Math teacher yelled at me. I was at a loss of words. Before I could even respond he grabs my songwriting book. I hear some giggles from the class. Yeah, yeah, whatever. He reads what I have of Honeymoon Avenue. It wasn't supposed to be read yet, I'm very uncomfortable with people reading or hearing my unfinished lyrics. I hide my face behind my hands.

"Cat, this is amazing. But wait until the time is right okay? Since you are my best student I will let you off with a warning," he told me. Everyone but Lex bursts into a fit of laughter. Why did he say I was his best student? Now everyone is going to make fun of me for that. They always found a flaw in me and picked it out and made fun of it. I should be used to it, but I'm not. I silently start taking notes hiding my face while Lex gently my back.

* * *

**And that's the chapter! Sorry it took forever for me to upload, but I've been having computer issues and haven't found a time to write. I did the panic attack scene as accurate as possibly could. I might of had a few mistakes but I've been researching on it and tried my best. Hope you liked it!**


	5. Jai Brooks

**Finding Cat  
******Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners  
********(Possible trigger warning - mentions of depression)****

It's a bit later in the day and Lex went to her hotel for dinner. I decided to go on a little walk, because I really need to think about everything. I get my iPhone out and plug in my headphones. I hum quietly along to the music and head out the door. My thoughts are all cluttered together and I can't think straight. People are always told to be themselves, but when they do, they get judged. It's sort of hypocritical if you ask me. A tear rolls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it off. Why-

I fall to the ground. I unplug my headphones and look up to see who knocked me over. It's a tall boy, probably 5'5. He smiled brightly and offered to pick me up. I accepted it and gave him a nice smile.

"I'm so sorry," he began. He had an Australian accent. "I'm Jai Brooks by the way," he introduced.

"It was all my fault," _Like always. _"Anyways, I'm Cat Valentine. You know, like the animal." I said to him with a smile.

"You smile bright, but your eyes look hurt, why is that?" Jai questioned. I shrugged and responded an 'I don't know' and glanced away. "Let me take a guess, shall I? You pretend that your fine; which the smile is representing, but truly deep inside you are unhappy and that represents the sad eyes you have. Just a guess." _Man, that was deep._

"I'm fine," I say, though it comes out more of a reassuring to myself than to Jai. Out of nowhere, he gives me a hug. I'm taken aback, but then I realize that I need this. I sink into his body and shed a tear. I wipe it away quickly before he can tell.

"See? We're best friends already," He comments and I smile. My hair flies into my face and I pull it behind my ear and he sees my wrist. My eyes flash in fear, but he looks like he's seen it before. He gives me another hug.

"Do you know what we need? Ice cream, that solves all the worlds problems," Jai says and drags me into a nearby ice cream place. I've never been in here before, but it looks like a nice little shop and it's so cute.

"What would you like to order?" Jai asks me politely.

"Um, just a vanilla," I reply not sure of what to get.

"That too boooriing, I'm going to order you the Cookies &amp; Cream only because it's crazier, but not too crazy," he runs to the desk before I can even reply. I look for a booth and sit down waiting politely.

"Do you have a phone?" Jai asks coming back with our ice creams. I nod and give it to him. He puts his number in and sits down and hands me my ice cream. I thank him.

"Why do you want my number?" I ask curiously.

"You seem interesting and I want to keep in touch." _By interesting he mean weird, _a voice says in my head, but I ignore it. I learn a lot of things about Jai. For one, he just moved here last month. He has two siblings named Luke -his twin- and Beau. Maybe today wasn't completely awful.

"Jai, why didn't you freak out when you saw my..." I begin but stop and he knows what I mean. We're currently walking to my house as it's almost 8:00 PM. He stops and does something I least expect him to do. He rolls up his sleeve. I see scars like mine, some healing some new. I would of never have guessed. He looked so put together and he noticed my depression right away. It's my turn to do the hugging. I reach up and hug him and he hugs back. We stay like this for a while and then we pull back. I gently smile at him.

It becomes silent, not the awkward silence, but the nice silence. I never knew anyone who actually experienced what I had. Sure, I love Lex and she tries to understand, but she hasn't experienced it. It's nice to meet someone who has actually put the blade into their skin and knows how it feels.

"So, um.. here you are," Jai says after we arrive to my house, "Text me soon." And then he's off.

* * *

**And that's Chapter 5! Even though it is techneclly the 27th of June as I'm typing this at 12:45 AM, but still, HAPPY (LATE) BIRTHDAY ARIANA! LOVE YOU! How do you guys like Jai in this story? Yay or nay?**


	6. Honeymoon Avenue

**Finding Cat  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.  
(Possible TW - mentions of depression)**

Jai and I got closer that night, if possible. I know I just met him, but he already knew my darkest secret and I'm assuming I knew his. I pulled out my phone and looked for his number. I pressed on it and sent him the most simple text ever, 'Hi'. _He's not gonna answer, he's your "friend" out of pity. He hates you as does everyone else._ A tear fell down my face and I wiped it away. I heard my phone go off and it said;

**Jai: Hey. I realized that I don't really know you all that well. I mean I know that you have a brother, your from LA and the basic facts but you know that's not much. What school do you go to? What do you like to do?**

I hesitated before responding, considering what the voice I have been hearing told me. Why is he so interested in me anyway? It's just me, nothing special. I am nothing. I waited about 5 minutes before I could bring myself to respond.

**You: I go to Hollywood Arts High School. I really like to sing. Come on, ask me some good questions!**

I reread this over and over about a billion times before I sent it. Typos are the death of me. They're so embarrassing, well at least I think. Instead of a reply, I got a call. My finger hovered over the decline button but I ended up answering.

"Hello?" I asked. _Ugh, you sound so annoying, I'm not even sure why he's wasting his time on you. You are nothing, no matter what. Don't forget that, okay?_ The voice said and I could hear the smirk in the voice. What was this voice?! I've been hearing it a lot lately.

"Can you sing to me?" Jai's question came out of nowhere. This boy never ceases to surprise me. _You suck at singing. You're going to make him deaf._

"I can't sing. My parents don't like it when I do," I answer truthfully.

"Why not?" Jai questions me. I sigh. I try to think of an excuse but give up, like always. I always give up. I can never do anything right.

"I don't know, maybe tomorrow we can meet at that ice cream place and then I'll sing to you?" I say not knowing what I'm saying. The words are slipping out of my mouth before I can stop them. Jai agrees. He tells me to meet him at 9:00 AM. We hang up and I glance at my ceiling bitterly. I have to see what I'm going to sing to him. I write a few more lyrics of Honeymoon Avenue and tell myself to go to sleep. I can't though. It's not the feeling like a kid staying up on Christmas Eve too excited to sleep. It's more like fear. I'm afraid to go to sleep. I know it's silly, but I can't. I have to at least sleep for 8 hours, but I won't be able to. If I don't, I will look like crap. I stay up a few more hours thinking about, well, everything before I find myself -against my will- being erupted by sleep.

* * *

I wake up rather late for the time I'm meeting Jai, so I take a quick shower, and put on something the HA Cat wouldn't be found dead it. I put on a floral crop top with some high wasted shorts and Converse High Tops. I put my red hair into a high ponytail curling the ends a bit. I apply light natural makeup and grab my song book. I head out the door by 8:49 AM. I decide to walk there because I don't want to bring my bike. I pass Robbie's house just as he's walking out. Great, just great.

"Cat? Are you feeling okay?" Robbie asks. I nod and try to walk past him but he stops me.

"You look nice," he flirts. _No, you don't. _A sudden bubble of anger surrounds me.

"Do you know how you look?" I ask nicely, "Like a jerk. Now move I'm already running late and I don't feel like talking to you when I have better things to do with my life." I reply sassily with a sudden burst of confidence. I push him out of the way and walk towards the ice cream shop. I make it at 9:04 and see Jai waiting with my Cookies &amp; Cream which I surprisingly took a liking to. I smile at him then sit down.

"Sorry I'm late, I ran into a jerk," I say bitterness in my voice thinking about Robbie.

"Want to talk about it?" Jai asks making my mood go up instantly. I smile but decline this offer.

"So, lets get down to business. Can you sing to me now?" He asks desperation in his voice. A wave of nervousness floods me and I pull out my song book.

"This song isn't finished yet, but this is what I have.

_I looked in my rear view mirror and_  
_It seemed to make a lot more sense_  
_Than what I see ahead of us, ahead of us, yeah._  
_I'm ready to make that turn_  
_Before we both crash and burn_  
_Cause that could be the death of us, the death of us, baby_

_You know how to drive in rain_  
_And you decided not to make a change_  
_Stuck in the same old lane_  
_Going the wrong way home_

_I feel like my heart is stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic,_  
_I'm under pressure_  
_Cause I can't have you the way that I want_  
_Let's just go back to the way it was_

_When we were on Honeymoon Avenue_  
_Honeymoon Avenue_  
_Baby, coastin' like crazy_  
_Can we get back to the way it was?_

_Hey, what happened to the butterflies?_  
_Guess they encountered that stop sign_  
_And my heart is at a yellow light, a yellow light_  
_Hey, right when I think that we found it,_  
_Well, that's when we start turning around_  
_You're saying, "Baby, don't worry,"_  
_But we're still going the wrong way, baby_

_You know how to drive in rain_  
_And you decided not to make a change_  
_Stuck in the same old lane_  
_Going the wrong way home_

_I feel like my heart is stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic,_  
_I'm under pressure_  
_Cause I can't have you the way that I want_  
_Let's just go back to the way it was_

_When we were on Honeymoon Avenue_  
_Honeymoon Avenue_  
_Baby, coastin' like crazy_  
_Can we get back to the way it was?"_

Jai was awestruck. He clapped and clapped and clapped and gave me a standing ovation.

"But I have writers block. I want to go on hiatus with this song and write a new one for now. You see, at our school, we have a big showcase and I want to perform a new song but this one isn't the one I want perform. I'm not even allowed to perform anyways." I explain to Jai after he sat down.

"Why not? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I BET YOUR MORE TALENTED THEN ALL OF THEM!" Jai shouts.

I giggle at him, "It doesn't matter who is the most talented, this girl named _Tori_ took the last spot," I reply bitterly.

"You know what? How about this, I'll help you write a song, 'cause you probably didn't know this but I write songs but never sing them, and after its the best song in the whole world because it was written by the best people in the whole world, you will crash that showcase and show them how talented you are."

"Thank you Jai," I got up from my seat and hugged him.

"'No problem Cat. I'll always be there for you." We stayed in this position for a while.


	7. The Song was Born

**Finding Cat  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.  
(Possible TW - mentions of depression)  
Firstly, sorry for the long wait, I've been super busy and stressed with personal issues  
but I needed to get back to writing. Again, sorry!**

I woke up to the sound of my phone alerting me of a text. It was 6:07 AM. Who would text me at this time._ Who would text you ever? _I mentally groaned at the voice inside my head, but I checked my phone nonetheless. It was from Jai.

**Wanna come over and work on our song later?**

I reread it over and over. Why would anyone ever want me to come over? Why would anyone want my presence? I wasn't sure if I was awake or not because this never happened.

**Sorry, can't I have to go to school ugggh**

I put my phone to sleep and got put of bed reluctantly. I hated Mondays. They were the absolute worst thing in the world. I decided to just get ready and stop distracting myself. I walked to my closet and put on some "Cat Appropriate" clothes. I did my hair somewhat not really caring anymore. After I got ready I walked over to the hotel Lexie was at and went to her room so we could walk to school.

"Hey Kitty!" Lexie said and gave me a hug which I returned. "So sorry I didn't really talk to you this weekend, I had to do some 'family' stuff. You know my parents haha. What happened? Anything exciting?"

"I met this guy, named Jai Brooks, and he's going to help me show the people at HA that I'm not some ditsy redhead incapable of anything" I explained hiding a blush. Lexie immediately jumped in the air and clapped.

"I like him already, when do I get to meet him? Hmm?" Lexie asked. I shrugged.

"Maybe when we write our song together I'll bring you with me, but I'm not sure when I'm meeting him again," I informed. We arrived HA before I realized it and I walked in with Lexie. My phone went off and I checked it hesitantly. It was Jai.

**Right, sorry I forgot that you're not home schooled like I am. Well maybe at 4ish?**

I smiled and replied sure. I told Lexie about this and she agreed to it. I walked into class mentally drained. It was only 8 AM and I already wanted to go to Jai's house. For some reason, when I'm around him, I feel protected and safe. Like no one could hurt me if they tried. Come on, stop thinking this, you've known him for a couple days and you're already having these thoughts. I bet you he thinks of you as a charity case. The messed up girl. Bedo-bop.

"WHO'S PHONE WAS THAT?" My science teacher yelled. Everyone checked their phones, and guess what, of course it was mine. Oh, the irony. I quickly turned off my phone not bothering to check the message. Everyone shrugged, but that was not enough for him. Lexie knew it was me.

"Um, sir, I think it might of been me, but it was my mom checking up how I'm doing with my _homesickness_," Lexie emphasized the word homesickness. Mr. Jones groaned and continued the lesson and I thanked Lexie.

* * *

School slugged as always but it was finally time to visit Jai. Turns out in science Jai texted me his address and I was standing in front of his house with Lexie. We knocked on the door and we were greeted by a smiling Jai.

"Welcome to the Brooks house!" He shouted and gestured with his arm. He noticed Lexie and extended his hand for her to shake, "I'm Jai Brooks. And you are?"

"I'm Lexie. Cat's best friend," Lexie introduced. Jai frowned, "I thought I was your best friend," with a tease in his voice and we all laughed. We followed Jai as he lead us to his room to write the song. I looked at his room, everything was neat and tidy which I didn't expect to be honest. I sat on his bed.

"Don't ruin my bed, I won't get my allowance," he said and chuckled and I joined him.

"So, what kind of song do you want to write? I was thinking a sad song, you know, to show those jerks what they did to you," Jai suggested and I nodded along.

"I was thinking something like that too, I've actually written a sad song in the past but haven't been able to continue it. Writers block. It goes like this:

Little girl terrified  
She'd leave her room if only bruises would heal  
A home is no place to hide  
Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels

Every day's the same  
She fights to find her way  
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray  
She wonders why, does anyone ever hear her when she cries?"

Jai and Lexie clapped really loudly.

"I think we will be great songwriting partners," Jai said with a smile, and for the first time in a while, I smiled back. A real one.

* * *

**Sorry about such a short chapter, but hopefully it was good enough for now. Hope you liked it!**


	8. Break Free

**Finding Cat**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.****  
**(Possible TW - mentions of depression)****

After a couple hours of working on the song and coming up with nothing, we gave up on this particular song because I could feel that it wasn't the right one. When I sang this song, I wanted it to represent who I am, not who I was. I didn't want to focus on all of the negatives of HA. I wanted to show them that they don't have that power over me.

"I'll go get something to eat for us at like Taco Bell or something." Lex said and Jai and I nodded. She began walking to the door and looked back and smiled at us.

"We need inspiration," Jai said with an over exaggerated sigh which resulted in a giggle from me. I don't know why, but around Jai something makes me all giggly and bubbly.

"What we need is a song," I responded bluntly which made Jai laugh which was weird because it's wasn't really funny. Maybe when we're together something clicks making us always laugh at the lame jokes.

"What do you want the new song to be about?" Jai asked me tapping his pencil on the paper lightly. I shrugged and began thinking. Hmm, it has to be overpowering and show those jerks that I don't need them. Out of nowhere, it hit me. I began singing,

"If you want it, take it

I should've said it before

Tried to hide it, fake it

I can't pretend anymore

I only wanna die alive

Never by the hands of a broken heart

Don't wanna hear you lie tonight

Now that I've become who I really am"

I studied Jai's facial expression to see if he liked it. Even though we've only known each other for a short amount of time, I felt like I could read him like an open book. He seemed to be smiling which meant he liked it.

"That's it! You're a genius!" Jai exclaimed and hugged me tight. Suddenly I could feel him leaning in as was I. What's happening?!

"Hey guys I'm back with food!" Lex said walking into the room as Jai and I bolted apart from each other. He almost kissed me, and _I almost let him._ Jai ran up to Lex and got his taco while his face lit up. He began eating on his bed and I couldn't help but stare. Trying to distract myself, my foot pounded a beat on the ground.

"So, what do you guys have so far?" Lex asked as she approached Jai who had the notebook.

"We trashed the old song. Cat decided she wanted to show them she didn't need them instead of her showing the damage they did to her," Jai explained and Lex high-fived me and said something along the lines of 'you go girl!'.

"Well, we could call it good for now and work on it tomorrow?" I half stated and half asked. They nodded and we began to make a departure from Jai's room and he followed us. As we reached the front door we were saying our goodbyes.

"It was very nice meeting you, Miss Lexi," Jai said and bowed which made both of us giggle. He pulled her into a friendly hug which made me smile. It was a good thing they got along. "See you tomorrow, Kitty Cat," Jai said and pulled me into a tighter protective hug. I waved bye and we made our way out. When the door closed and we were a few steps away from the house Lex was about to say something. I could tell because of the way her mouth curved up; it's something she always did before talking. She hated it but I found it hilarious.

"I approve." Lex gleamed with a smile.

"Approve of what?" I questioned genuinely confused.

"You and Jai; he so likes you!" Lex responded which made me blush a bit but thanks to the darkness of the night it wasn't noticeable.

"No, he doesn't!" I tried to hide a laugh at the thought that someone would like me.

"Okay Kitty." Lex said her voice getting higher; an indication that she didn't believe me. I shrugged it off, but I could only think – what if he liked me?

* * *

I woke up with a heavy sigh, dreading the fact that I have school today. At least Lex would be there; without her I probably would have died. My phone dinged but it would have to go unanswered for now. Crawling out of bed and scanning my closet for "Cat Appropriate" clothes, I begin to get ready. After what seemed like forever, I met up with Lex in front of my house and begin walking to Hollywood Arts. I remember I got a text earlier and never responded to it, so I check it right now.

**Jai: Cat! I thought the next part of the song and I think it's great! But you need to be here with me; this can't be done over text!**

I smiled at the overdramatic text. In my opinion, he could have just sent the lyrics and I could have "okayed" them.

"What are you smiling at?" Lex asks me and I immediately show her the text.

"Why can't he just text it to me?" I respond with a laugh.

"He needs an excuse to see you!" Lex exclaims and I dismissed it.

**You: Why can't you just text it to me? I can't come over ASAP because I have to go to school :(**

Almost immediately, I get a responce. **Jai: Don't worry, I get you out of that…**

* * *

"Cat Valentine and Alexa Luria please report to the principal's office," the person over the intercom announces. We share glances but we begin walking. There were murmurs about that I probably deserved to be in trouble and some laughs.

When we arrive, we see an "old lady" sitting there. My curiosity blossoms but I don't say something stupid to ruin whatever this is.

"Ah, hello my granddaughter and her friend!" the lady responds and I hear a hint of an Australian accent. Oh my gosh, what is Jai doing? I hold back a laugh and wait for him to talk again.

"Well, let's go now!" Jai exclaims and we follow him out. The hallways were relatively empty so I decided I could use my real voice. Lex and I suddenly burst out laughing.

"Jai what were you thinking? And why an old lady?" I respond after our laughter had stopped. We reached the door and exited.

"I was thinking that you would get out of school—a bonus because you would be with me, and we could work on the song. And by the way, old ladies seem way more innocent than old men. It's a proven fact." Jai explained.

Once we arrived at his house we went straight in his room and he began changing while Lex and I turned around and covered our eyes. He said something along the lines of 'no peaking' and Lex responded 'wouldn't want to'. Afterward, we began to make ourselves comfortable. Jai's room was really nice; I personally love it. He has a bunch of posters of bands like Nirvana and Fall out Boy. Next to his dresser, he had a beanbag which is where I usually sit.

"So what was the oh so important lyrics that couldn't be sent over text?" I asked and my voice was laced with humor.

"Oh, it really good, it'll blow you away.

This is the part when I say I don't want ya

I'm stronger than I've been before

This is the part when I break free

'Cause I can't resist it no more"

I have never heard Jai sing before, and now it was my turn to clap. He had an amazing voice. He blushed a bit which I thought was adorable. Wait, what?

"I was thinking the song could be called Break Free. You know, your breaking free from all of those idiots."

"Break free it is," I respond with a smile. Break Free, I like it.

**I am so sorry for updating this story almost a year later! I completely forgot about it so I hope an extra long chapter will make up for it! With school almost being done, I will have a lot more free time and I will try to continue the story. What did you think of the chapter? Do you have any ideas for the story? What do you think about the Cat and Jai budding romance? Leave a review telling me your thoughts! Thank you for reading this story, and I'll see you next chapter! Thanks! Bye!**


	9. Surprise!

**Finding Cat**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.  
(Possible TW - mentions of depression and panic attack)**

After doing my boring morning routine, I decided that I was not going to wear my "Cat Appropriate" clothes. The Cat that the people at Hollywood Arts know is almost the exact opposite of who I really am. For example, HA Cat was stupid, whereas the real me was pretty smart. It's like there was this hole dug and I was trapped in it, but the worst thing was that I probably dug it. On my first day of school at HA, my usual clothing was still being unpacked so I wore something that I had in like freshman year (it was surprising that it still fit me). Ever since then people assumed that was what I usually wear, which is completely wrong. Then I basically forced myself to buy that ridiculous style of clothes. I'm just so tired of pretending to me, so the first step was to show them how I really dress, and I think Lex would approve of me breaking out of this awkward "HA Cat" shell.

I decided to wear one of my favorite outfits from Florida. It was a black top with lace and then black material with black jeans. Then I added my cat ears (a gift from Lexie because as she put it 'oh the irony') and some black flower earrings. I put my hair in a style I haven't done in a while, half up half down, curling the ends a bit. To top it all off, my favorite black boots; it really completed the outfit in my opinion. **(A/N: If you want to see the outfit, go here polyvore . com ****/ ****cgi/set?id=158194948 - for some reason it won't go together)** I got a burst of confidence, I've really missed this outfit and I missed being myself. Meeting up with Lexie to walk to school, she immediately approved of my outfit. She and I bought this outfit together when we were shopping back in Florida – I think that's why I love it so much. Our arms linked together, we walked into school. Gasping noises and 'what is she wearing?' immediately filled the hallway. I smirked, immediately feeling more confident being in my old clothes. The only people who had seen my real clothes (or the real me to be exact) were Lexie and Jai. My own parents didn't even know who I really was.

"I know that we are very beautiful, but please stop staring," Lexie stated and I burst out laughing feeling really glad that I was becoming my old self again. As we walked in the hallway debating who was better, 5SOS or Maroon 5 (totally 5SOS I mean it's a given) we were stopped by Tori and the posse.

"Cat, are you feeling okay?" Tori asked with feigned concern. I glanced at Lexie and she smirked. It was like she was telling me 'be the sassy you that I know'.

"Never better! I mean this is great, I'm with my best friends!" I said and they began to smirk at Lexie. "Wait, I mean best friend. Cause Lexie's here!" I replied with a smirk.

"Cat, you need to hang out with us more, we never see you anymore!" Beck said to me. Are they being serious right now? Now it was Lexie's turn to fire back at them.

"It's not like you saw her when she was hanging out with you, you guys ignored her," Lex responded. Shock flew through all of their faces except Jade because she didn't even care, but I'm not surprised. I heard my phone go off and I checked it. It was Jai, obviously.

**Jai: I have a surprise for you! Be ready by 2nd period**

Curious, I showed the text to Lexie and she shrugged. My "friends" tried to see it but we walked off before they could.

* * *

All throughout first period I was anticipating the surprise Jai had for me. I bet he just wrote more lyrics that he "had to show me in person because it won't be as good over text". Jai always did things like this which is one of the reasons why I like him. In a friend way, of course. By the time first period ended my phone went off.

**Jai: Meet me in the main hallway**

I did as I was told and Lexie and I began walking towards the hallway. There I saw Jai casually leaning of the stairs looking as good as ever. Wait, what am I thinking?

"Kitty! Hello! You'll never—" Jai started and stopped. "You're wearing your actual clothes. Man, I wish I was there to see the look on their faces. I'm so proud of you for showing some of your real self." Jai said and suddenly I was engulfed into a hug. Lexie smirked at me but I dismissed it.

"Thank you," I bowed. "Not to be rude, but why are you here? I mean it's great because I love your company but don't you have to be a student to be here during school hours?"

"I love your company too," Jai replied nonchalantly. "That's what I'm going to tell you; I'm a student here now! You know you must be special to me if I actually got rid of being homeschooled; that was the life," Jai laughed and I blushed. _He did this for me, I'm important to him._

"This way we can work on the song more often now! Plus we could hang out more, which makes you the luckiest girl in the world because you would be hanging out with me. I got your schedule because I told the administration it would 'help me adjust'. Those people will let you do anything, I swear! They even gave me a lollipop." Jai said all at once.

"Off to theater!" I shouted and we were off. I informed him of all the people in my theater, and he got really mad when I informed him of Robbie. Even though I have a crush on him, I hate him. It's very confusing, I know.

"You want to make him really mad?" Jai asked and I nodded. Suddenly while we were walking into the theater, he grabbed my hand. Nerves were released around my body, but I tried to play it cool. I probably looked like a fish out of water.

"Cat, so nice of you to finally join us," the teacher, Mr. Richardson said. The class began to giggle at my misfortune. Jai's hand got tighter; not in the crushing my hand type of way, but in a protective one.

"Sorry, sir. I was showing my friend Jai Brooks around the school. He just transferred here." I explained. Glancing at Robbie, he was shooting daggers at Jai. What a hypocrite. They all are. Mr. Richardson dismissed it saying something about how I should have informed him before hand, but I really didn't care.

Lexie, Jai, and I sat in the back of the class hoping no one would notice us. Still, everyone stared. They were staring at me. The look on their face was disbelief of "who I've become". I glanced at Jai and whispered in his ear "That's what their faces looked like."

"Excellent," he whispered back making Lexie and I giggle.

"We will be doing a project worth 40% of your grades. It is a group assignment and your groups are posted in the back. Jai, you can join Cat's group." Mr. Richardson instructed. I glanced at the board.

Cat  
Tori  
Robbie  
Jade

My breathing hitched as I was trying to control a panic attack. The room was starting to spin a bit and everything was enhanced. The colors of the chairs, the noises of talking, the chairs being moved the slightest bit. Although these were slight things, it felt like everything was much more. My heart was beating fast and I felt like I had run a marathon. Jai and Lexie noticed this and tried to calm me down. Luckily no one else noticed. Everyone's words were going over my head and as hard as I tried I couldn't concentrate. Only one thing was going through my mind; I have to do a project with _them._

**That's the chapter! I hope you all liked it. I'm on a roll, I updated two chapters in the same day. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this. And to the reviewer of the last chapter, thank you for reviewing! I will try to upload more like you suggested and there will be a lot more interaction between Cat and the Victorious gang. If you have any suggestions leave a review and I will try to include your ideas into the story. Thank all of you for reading this! Bye!**


	10. Will you go on a date with me?

**Finding Cat**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.**

* * *

"So, Cat when do you think we could get together to work on our project?" Tori smirked at me after class had finished. Jai lightly grabbed my hand (trying to comfort me I suppose) but it only made me feel more smothered. Everything was happening too fast and I couldn't keep up; like the world was going on without me. After realizing I hadn't replied to her, Tori's smirk hardened into a glare and I just shrugged.

"Whatever works for you guys works for us," Jai replied coming to my rescue. Although what he said wasn't a lie, I desperately wanted it to. I hoped in that moment that Lexie, Jai and I could go on a permanent vacation. Right now I'm feeling an overwhelming amount of frustration and desperation. I began speeding away while awkwardly pulling Jai with me because I forgot we were still holding hands. I muttered a sorry when we made it into the hallway. Lex was still talking to them which made me kind of worried. What happened to my confidence earlier? Walking away from Jai I headed toward my locker.

The hallways still always amazed me. Even though I've had a pretty bad experience here, the building is pretty nice. I arrived at my pink locker with a flower on it (I hate it so much—if it were actually up to me, I would have made it more musical or something) to grab a textbook for my next class. I began walking to my next class when I'm suddenly knocked to the ground. Quickly, I try to recover but I fail miserably.

"I'm so sorry Cat! Let me make it up to you by taking you on a date," a voice said. Still not bringing myself to lookup, I was curious as to who was asking. Then I realized why the voice sounded familiar; it was Robbie's.

"Um, I'm not sure if I feel comfortable with that," I said glancing back at the ground while trying to avoid eye contact.

"Sure, you do! Come on, please?" Robbie begged. I still don't know how I feel about Robbie. I should hate him, but I don't. "Unless you and that Jai guy have a thing…" he trailed off with a sudden anger in his voice.

"Jai and I don't have a thing," I replied feeling more awkward. The crowds that were surrounding in the hallway began to leave to their class. This terrified me; the thought of me being semi-alone with Robbie. Although I don't think he would intentionally try to hurt me, I could be wrong.

"Prove it. Go on a date with me." The words that came out of his mouth surprised me. It sounded bitter and full of rage.

"Fine."

* * *

Robbie had texted me the information about the date. I was really dreading this but I had to prove to Robbie that Jai and I are not together. I don't know why I feel compelled to prove it. It might be that I'm scared as to what would happen if Jai and I dated. Jai is just a friend. _Jai is just a friend._ The thought hit me kind of hard. That's all we'll ever be.

"Cat! I was wondering if you have plans later today. We could go to that ice cream place we went to when we met. If you want, I'll let you have the vanilla; like you wanted originally. But for the record I think that it's waaaay too boring." Jai said. It made me happy that he remembered all of this. I mean it wasn't long ago, but with everything that's happened recently (Lexie coming, writing a song about HA, Jai coming to my school, and the project) it seems like forever ago. I couldn't help but smile at the offer.

"Jai, trust me I would _much_ rather be with you today but I have plans." I explained kind of worried. I wasn't sure how Jai would react about this whole date thing. Jai was not Robbie's biggest fan; he hates him.

Jai began making a pouty face at me and I began laughing lightly. "You're not supposed to laugh at me be adorable and sad," Jai told me matter-of-factly. His Australian accent sounded heavy when he said that; which personally I loved.

"So tell me who you're ditching me for," Jai said his voice light; he wasn't angry about me not being able to hang out today. To be fair though, we have hang out like every day.

"Robbie." I replied quietly. His face hardened for a couple of seconds, trying to take in this news. I glanced at his hand twitch a bit, but I ignored it.

"Why are you hanging out with Robbie? Don't you like hate him?" Jai asked concerned. I nodded. "Then why are you hanging out with him today?" Jai repeated. There was something in his voice that I've never heard before. I couldn't quite place my finger on it. "Is he forcing you to do this?" Jai asked again; bombarding me with questions.

"No, I chose to do this. I don't know why. But anyways you and Lexie can hang out and I'll text you afterward. Okay?" I told him, walking off before I got a reply. I know that was kind of mean of me but if I would have stayed he would have convinced me not to go. _I need this._ But I don't know why.

* * *

I waited in my living room fumbling with my outfit. I decided to dress in my usual "HA Cat outfit" which made me feel worse. My outfit consisted of a dress that started off while and then the skirt part of it became pink with white flowers. My shoes were heels that I probably couldn't walk in which is great. Along with all of this I had some pink flower earrings, a Chanel white purse, a pink watch, and a 'Love' necklace. **(A/N: The outfit is here: ****www . polyvore cats_date_outfir /set?id=158515243 Sorry, it has to be put this way otherwise it won't show up) **I also made sure to hide my scars with makeup. With this outfit I felt like I was back to square one of pretending to be me. The outfit is cute enough as clothes go but it's just not me. I hate the fact that I feel obligated to dress up for a guy.

The ring of the doorbell echoed throughout the entire house and ripped me from my thoughts. Walking up to it, my nerves were going crazy. Making sure not to trip, I answered the door and walked out.

"Hello, Caterina," Robbie greeted me. I hate being called Caterina. "You look nice, more like yourself. What you wore at school today was _so not you._ I think it's that Jai kid. You know? Messing with your head. I don't want that to happen to my Caterina."

So many things were wrong with what he said. I could and will make a list.

List of What Was Wrong With that Statement  
By Cat Valentine

1\. He called me Caterina

2\. What I wore at school _was _being myself

3\. Jai is not the reason why I dress like I do

4\. Jai is not messing with my head

5\. I am most certainly _not_ his Caterina

I smiled back at him trying to cover my annoyance. This date could go well. I just have to be optimistic. That should go well for "peppy, stupid, HA Cat". Robbie didn't have a car, so I had to sit in his uncomfortable bike. Be optimistic, Cat. This could go well.

* * *

**I'm going to have the next chapter be about their date. I'll try to make it interesting; hopefully. What did you think of the chapter? How do you feel about Cat and Robbie? Cat and Jai? Why was Jai acting weird? The 5SOS reference? Do you have any suggestions to make the story better? Leave a review so I know what you guys want more of, less of, or what you want to happen! Thank you for reading this chapter! Bye!**


	11. The Date

**Finding Cat**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.**

* * *

Do you know how hard it is to sit on the back a bike with a dress? Let me tell you, it's not easy. Robbie was going really fast (probably on purpose) causing the wind to make my dress go up. I am currently still on that awkward bike ride holding onto my skirt. Every once in a while Robbie would glance back at me and smirk. Every time he did this I averted my eyes focusing on the surroundings. The sun was starting to set, so I distracted myself with that. Be happy, Cat. The guy you've been crazy about for like a year asked you out on a date. Am I still crazy about Robbie? I mean my emotions for him for sure have dulled, but I'm not sure if they're completely gone.

"Here we are; a movie theater. I was thinking we could watch Unfriended." Robbie spoke as we arrived. It was the first time anyone of us had spoken a word on this awkward bike encounter. I nodded silently, suddenly feeling nervous. I could enjoy this. _I will enjoy this. _Robbie grabbed my hand and interlocked it with his sweaty one. This made me uncomfortable but to prove to him I was open to dating, I squeezed his hand a bit. He smiled, a genuine smile which I've never seen from him. Walking up to the cashier, I snuck a glance at Robbie.

"Two tickets to Unfriended, please," Robbie informed the cashier. I grabbed out my wallet from my purse and paid for my ticket, as did Robbie for his. He also bought a small popcorn for both of us. We were directed into room 5, which is where it was being shown. Still hand-in-hand we walked inside. His hand was making mine sweaty but I ignored how disgusting it felt. As soon as we sat down he released my hand (thank goodness) and set it on my thigh. Now I wish I was holding his hand. Smiling at him, trying to avoid the uncomfortable feeling rushing through my leg, popcorn filled my hand and went into my mouth.

"Careful, Cat. We don't want you coming out of here weighing 50 more pounds," Robbie informed me. I immediately felt self-conscious. I muttered a 'wouldn't want that'. "This is nice. You, me, no distractions what-so ever." Robbie said with a sigh. The put his arm around me while I tried to move toward him to show him that I could be with him if I wanted to. Maybe this is what I need, maybe I need Robbie. So far he's been somewhat nice and I could get used to this. Sure, at first it'll be painful, but eventually it won't be.

"Yup," I agreed suddenly getting into the date.

During the movie, there were some scary parts, for which I hid my head in Robbie's chest. He loved this and I could tell because even in the dark of the movie theater his smirk was visible. The movie was pretty good. I admit, it's not something I would have chosen to watch on my own. With Jai and Lexie maybe. We hopped back on to Robbie's awkward bike and began the ride. This time was not nearly as awkward as the first, I kind of enjoyed it. The moonlight indicated that it was getting late, but it illuminated the sidewalk before us. It was kind of romantic. After arriving to my house, I hopped off the bike and Robbie mimicked the actions. The put the kickstand thing up so it wouldn't fall.

"That was really great. Thank you Robbie. Maybe we could do it again sometime?" I asked not thinking clearly. Robbie nodded. The next thing I know his lips were on mine and I didn't pull back. I kissed back. After the kiss, my cheeks were hot and I could tell there was a blush seeping on there which made Robbie smirk. What am I doing?!

"I'll text you about our next date, Caterina,"

* * *

On my walk to school with Lexie I was bombarded with questions. Too much for me to answer at once, and it didn't help that she wasn't stopping long enough for me to answer them.

"How was the date? What did you guys do? Does he have a nice car? Did he make you uncomfortable? What happened? What did you eat? Where did he take you? ANSWER THE QUESTIONS!" Lexie zoomed through all of that.

"Lexie, it was fine. He took me to the movies to see Unfriended. Nothing bad happened," I explained to her. Well, aside from the kiss. Was that good or bad? Did I enjoy it? Would I do it again? Why am I so conflicted all the time? _ I like Robbie. _Lexie was about to ask me more questions but Jai showed up so she stopped asking for some reason.

"Hello Lexie. G'day Kitty Cat," Jai greeted as he walked up to us. Something felt off about him but I ignored it. "How are you today?" I nodded showing him that I was great as did Lexie. The light was so bright and it was kind of hurting my eyes.

"How did last night go?" Jai awkwardly asked with a laugh equally (if not more) awkward.

"It was fine," I replied not wanting to get into detail. He muttered a 'good' underneath his breath but something about it seemed fake. He and Lexie began looking at each other oddly, as if they were conversing with their eyes. My eyebrows raised in confusion, but they just shrugged it off. What is with everyone today? Walking into the school, Robbie instantly pushed Jai away from where he was standing to grab my hand. I smiled at him and he smiled back. Jai and Lexie did that weird eye conversing. What is with that?

"Come on Caterina. I'll walk you to class," Robbie said practically dragging me. I glanced back and I noticed that Jai's teeth were gritted together and he looked angry. Since Robbie was dragging me, we turned the corner and Jai disappeared from my vision.

"So, Cat about last night...I was wondering if you'll be my girlfriend? I mean we'll obviously be seeing each other more, especially with our project. What do you say?"

What do I say?! Thinking it over for a while, I nodded. What could go wrong? He grinned at me and kissed me for the second time. This time was a bit more forceful and passionate compared to the last kiss which was nicer. Still, I kissed back. When we pulled apart, Robbie was smirking. He seemed to do that a lot. "See you after class, Caterina." and then he was off.

* * *

After school we decided that we would work on that group project. I mean what could possibly happen with having my boyfriend and Jai in the same room? Nothing at all! When we arrived at the library, we sat at a table as a group. I sat by Robbie and Jai, who seemed to be glaring at each other.

"Okay!" Tori said clapping her hands. "So the assignment is to write a creative story with character development, love plot, and conflict. Seems easy enough," Tori explained. Jade was in the corner looking like she could (and would) kill all of us.

"I think this teacher is in desperate need of a lover so he assigned us to write a love story," Jai muttered making me giggle. Jai's face lit up a bit when I laughed. He hadn't really been in the best mood all day. Sure, he was nice enough to Lexie and I, but toward everyone else he was mad.

"Look, Jai kid, we actually have to do this project for a grade, which I don't think that you care about, so please shut up," Robbie snapped. I held onto Robbie's hand to calm him down and he smiled at me. Jai tensed a bit but then slumped down. What is up with him?

"Can we just finish this? This is painful; and not the good kind," Jade snapped at all of us. She clearly was not happy with being in this group. I don't blame her because the feeling is mutual. Quickly we started thinking of ideas. Most of them were pretty good and I could see an actual story with them, but I remained silent.

"How about an idiot who is dating a girl who he is not meant to be with and everyone knows it. The girl is great and he treats her so bad while she has no idea. Just a thought," Jai said under his breath. No one heard him so I pretended I didn't.

We ended up going with a story about two cancer survivors who meet at a support group and end up falling in love. It was surprisingly my idea, which shocked Jade, Tori, and even Robbie. Up until now they thought I had no brain. We've only written one chapter and most of the work was done by me. This was a story I knew I could easily get lost into. It would be a great one, I can feel it.

After we called it a day, I gave Robbie a goodbye hug and began walking home with Jai. He was back to his old self, only a little more distant. I would ask him about that tomorrow, but for now I just wanted to have a good time with Jai.

* * *

**That's the chapter! Hope you like it! How do you feel about Cat and Robbie? Do you ship it? Hate it? Leave a review! Thanks for reading! Bye!**


	12. You Don't Deserve Her

**Finding Cat****  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.**  
**This chapter will be in Jai's POV (tell me if you want more of these-maybe even in Lexie's or in the Victorious gang's POV). **  
**Enjoy the chapter!****

* * *

Cat and Robbie had gone on a few more dates in the past couple of days. After every single one Cat goes on and on about how good it was. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad Cat is happy, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not bothered by it. Cat and Robbie don't mesh well together, in my opinion. She needs someone who will always stand by her side, not someone who only asked her out because of her "change" in style. I know Robbie will do something stupid and break Cat's heart. Cat is too good for him and Robbie's an idiot.

"Jai? Are you okay, dude?" a voice called to me, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned around to see one of Tori's friends who I don't remember the name of. I think it is Andre but I haven't really took any notice to any of them.

"Yeah, just great," I gritted. Andre gave me a suspicious look because my voice did not match my words. Before Andre could respond, I walked away to my 3rd hour-theater. Normally I would be happy about going to this class because Cat's here, but so is Robbie. We still have to work on that assignment about writing the book which means I'll have to see all of the idiots who basically ignored Cat for years. Who could ever ignore Cat? She's such a lovable person with so much positivity and who will always defend her friends. It is a no-brainer to love her.

When I arrived at the theater class, I absent-mindedly took a seat by Tori. She gave me a questioning look but I shrugged in response, not in the mood to talk. She understood because she began texting someone on her phone, which I was grateful for. People began piling in and Lexie took a seat by me, obviously not too pleased by the fact we were sitting with Tori. The bell went off and there was no sign of Cat or Robbie. She was here today, so I bet he's getting her to skip class. If he _really_ knew her like I do, he would know that Cat is really excited about writing the book. The book is going amazingly, by the way. We've established our first three characters; Hazel, Augustus, and Isaac. Most of it was Cat's idea which shocked the others.

"Class, have you seen Cat Valentine or Robbie Shapiro?" the teacher asked. We all shock our heads in response.

"They're probably in the janitor's closet making out," some guy mumbled under his breath. I glared at him and he put his hands up in defense. 54 more minutes of this stupid class. I'm not completely sure if I even want to be here, but now I'm basically forced to.

After some brief direction, we were sent off into our groups. Since Cat and Robbie were nowhere to be seen, it was just Tori, Jade, Lexie and I. Even though Lexie isn't technically a student here, she hangs around us to do the project. If you remember, Lexie came for a visit but recently she's been trying to convince her parents to move here. I think it's going pretty well though because she hasn't left yet, and she was supposed to back in Florida like last Saturday. If she moves here, she will audition for HA, most likely get accepted, and then be a student here.

"Okay, since Cat and Robbie aren't here we will just continue where we left off. We were at the part when Hazel and Augustus meet outside after Support Group. What do we want to happen?" Tori asked, taking charge once again. I'm glad she was leading the discussion, because as it seems Jade is uninterested and I have no interest in leading a discussion.

"We could have Augustus use a cigarette as a metaphor. You know, putting the killing thing right between your teeth, but not giving it the power to do its killing." I suggested. Tori nodded while Jade was texting.

"Now, that's really good and deep," Tori complemented. I tried to avoid gaze with Lexie but it didn't work out well. Most of the hour went like this. It was either me or Tori suggesting things for the book. The door creaked open and Cat and Robbie stood there, hands linked. Even though the sight of Robbie just plain and utterly disgusted me, seeing Cat made it all better.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Mrs. Watson asked, obviously annoyed that they are about half an hour late.

"Wow, you must not pay attention Mrs. Watson. I'm Robbie and this is Cat. Now if you excuse us we are going to go work on our book. Or did you forget about that too? I mean when you get older your memory isn't as sharp," Robbie snapped at Mrs. Watson while Cat giggle into his arm. This made me tense up, but I let it go. Cat and Robbie began walking over here, met by a glare from Tori.

"Where have you guys been?! You guys didn't even help write the chapters. Jai and I wrote like three more chapters while you guys were doing who-knows-what. That's fine because Jai is great company. I can see why you like hanging out with him, Cat. I mean he's so funny and nice," Tori replied with attitude laced in her voice. What is she doing?

Cat glanced at me, and then looked down. I glanced at her and smiled a bit. Robbie then gave her a kiss on the cheek while angered me but I didn't show it.

"So what have you guys wrote so far?" Cat asked suddenly shy. It was really cute. I need to stop thinking like this. Cat is just my friend. Nothing more.

After briefly explaining to her what we wrote, Cat nodded in agreement. "I really like that metaphor, Jai." Cat complimented. I nodded in response because I didn't trust my voice. The bell rang which meant that it is time for lunch. We all left the theater and began walking to the outdoor lunchroom. This was my favorite time of day because  
a. We get food  
b. This is the one time Cat isn't with Robbie

Usually at lunch Robbie goes with a teacher to help with the sound and stuff. Too me it seems nerdy, but I'm not complaining. Cat, Lexie, and I sit at a table together.

"Guys, today we should go somewhere to get food to eat. We could stop somewhere and then eat at the park," I suggest. They nod in agreement and then we walk to my car. I begin driving to the nearest Subway, as that is Cat's favorite place to eat. As soon as we get there, Cat has to use the bathroom so she runs to o do that.

Something catches my attention; Robbie and another girl. They were looking pretty friendly while they were in a booth. Basically, they are making out. I get Lexie's attention and show her. Automatically, we walk up them.

"Robbie, what do you think you're doing?" I demand.

"I'm kissing McKenna, obviously," he responds. Lexie then slaps his face. "Gee, thanks. But I know you won't tell Cat because then _you'll_ be breaking her heart," Robbie replies, he and this McKenna smirking.

I don't want to be responsible for telling Cat because it would crush her, but I don't want her to keep dating this jerk. Speaking of Cat, she walked out of the bathroom and approached us.

"Oh, hey Robbie! Who's this?" Cat asked Robbie.

"My cousin, we are very close and she's in town so we decided to have lunch together," Robbie lied smoothly. I hate him so much. It takes everything in me and Lexie to not choke him right there on the spot.

"Cool! Hi, I'm Cat!" Cat cheerfully introduces. Lexie and I walk away claiming we are going to order our food. While walking over there we begin to speak in low hushed voices.

"Jai, what are we going to do?" Lexie whispered to me.

"I don't know Lex, I really don't know."

* * *

**That's the chapter! Hope you like it! I think the next part will continue to be in Jai's part (unless you want Cat's or another character's POV). Tell me your thoughts on the chapter! Sorry I took a while to update, I have a lot of school work to do, but at least school is almost over! Thank you for reading! **. **Bye!**


	13. The Plan of Revenge

**Finding Cat****  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.  
The story is back to being in Cat's POV, but if you would like different ones let me know!****

* * *

After we saw Robbie at Subway, we headed out and got into Jai's car to go to a park or something. I had to basically beg Jai to play the 5SOS album, which is what we are currently listening to. The LA roads were busy, but more traffic means more 5SOS songs so its okay. I really enjoy looking out the window and watching the world go by. The sky looked like a canvas and the clouds were the work of art. There was a lot of flowers and beautiful sights and I wished I had brought my camera to capture this snapshot. That's probably why pictures are so cool, in my opinion. In a way it freezes time and acts like a time machine, allowing you to go back to the memory of when the picture was taken. For once, I feel like life is great. I have great friends, a great boyfriend, and an almost complete song to perform at the Big Showcase.

"Cat?" Jai says quietly and sweetly like words could break me. Breaking out of my train of thoughts, I turn my head towards him, smiling. He turns down the music which was being blasted throughout the car. I begin to notice our surroundings, and realize we're at my house. Lexie must have given him the address when I wasn't paying attention or something. Unbuckling my seat belt, we walk out of the car (with Jai insisting on opening the door when I'm _clearly_ capable).

"What are we doing at my house? I thought we were going to a park and then back for our afternoon classes?" I ask, my voice growing with curiosity. I'm not really concerned with my parents getting mad at me for "skipping school", as they are at work and they don't care about me. I'm just the reject.

Without answering my question, Lexie grabs our spare key from the plant and opens the door and we all enter. When you enter my house, you are met with a huge living/dining room and stairs that remind me of the Titanic's. My family is pretty wealthy, because my parents are both lawyers which is why I assume they've always been against the whole singing thing. We walk over to the dining table and begin to eat our food. No one is really talking, making it completely silent. Not the comfortable silent, but the awkward one. What is going on?

"So, I think I've decided on a title for our book/script in Theater. It should be called _ The Fault in Our Stars._ What do you think?" I ask them. They just nod and continue staring at the ground. My anxieties start swirling around me and I'm surrounded in negative thoughts. Are they sick of me? Am I annoying to them? Do they hate me? I suddenly feel like I have no air, which results in me hyperventilating. It might seem like a 'dumb' thing to have a panic attack over, but these are my only true friends and without them I probably wouldn't survive. Trying to calm down, I do breathing exercises which help. Lexie and Jai haven't noticed, or maybe they have but they're sick of me being a damsel in distress. Personally, I'm sick of it too. I can save myself, and I have with their help. "What's going on?" I choke out in between breaths.

"Cat are you okay?" Jai asks, finally noticing me hyperventilating. Giving a nod, I motion to them to explain what is going on. "Cat, um, I'm not sure how to tell you this. Um.. well you see, people aren't always who they say they are and well um Robbieischeatingonyou so yeah,"

"What?" I ask, not understanding what he said because he sped up at the end. After saying it again, I can't believe what he tells me. Robbie is cheating on me? There has to be a mistake. They come and hug me, but I feel so numb I don't even notice. Why did I let Robbie trick me like that? Are they lying to me? Why would they lie about something like this? These are my best friends, and this must have been really hard for them to tell me. Out of this whole experience, lyrics for the song flew into my head.

You were better, deeper  
I was under your spell  
Like a deadly fever, yeah, babe  
On the highway to hell, yeah

I only wanna die alive  
Never by the hands of a broken heart  
Don't wanna hear you lie tonight  
Now that I've become who I really am

"Let's get back at him," Lexie said with an evil smile which made me laugh. She then informed me of what we should do. Lexie's plan was to do street art (which I have done once or twice before and it was amazing. I didn't 'tag' a wall, but I created actual art that hopefully inspired someone. It was a quote that said "Don't just be another brick on the wall,") that would display how he cheated on me. We agreed that we'd do a painting that was of a girl offering her heart to a guy, then he breaks it and goes to another girl. Although this made me feel slightly better, it still didn't get rid of the pain whenever I thought of Robbie.

* * *

"Hey Caterina. How do ya do?" Robbie said slyly, and his cockiness annoyed me. I nodded to him, and walked away politely hoping he wouldn't realize that I'm avoiding him. The art would go up tomorrow at midnight to the school, which seemed exciting but if I'm honest I'm dreading it. From what I've experienced street art gives you a thrill of excitement and danger. I entered my theater class and sat next to Jai, who was working on _The Fault in Our Stars_.

Most of the class consisted of us writing the book, with a few bickering moments between Jai and Robbie. I noticed that Tori was acting weirdly close and clingy to Jai, which for some odd reason bothered me. She always complemented his ideas, laughed at his jokes, and agreed with him against Robbie. It seemed as if she has a crush on him, which really bothers me. Who does Tori think she is? Does she think that once I get a new friend she can just take him from me? What is she asks him out? Or worse, what is he asks her out? I'm reading into this too much. There is nothing going that I should be concerned about. After about an painfully dull hour of this class, the bell rang and we all scrambled towards the door. My next hour is History, but I decided to skip as I'm not really in the mood for this.

As soon as I go into my room, I plop onto my bed and burst into tears. Everything was making me cry, up to the point where I had no clue why I was crying. At first it was over Robbie, then over my room (which is such a stupid thing, but it just _ so not me_ and I have no idea why I've done it like this), then over Tori getting close to Jai which is none of my business. After this pity fest, I turned off the lights and fell asleep.

* * *

**Sorry for such the long wait! I apologize, but I hope you like the chapter. The next one will be like a song fanfiction. It'll be based off 5SOS Song, "Heartbreak Girl". Bye!**


	14. Heartbreak Girl

**Finding Cat****  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.  
This chapter is going to be formatted like a song fanfiction. If you would like to hear/know the song, it is Heartbreak Girl by 5 Seconds of Summer.  
This chapter will be in Jai's point of view.****

* * *

**_You call me up, it's like a broken record. Saying that your heart hurts. That you never get over him getting over you._**

"Jai?" Cat whispered over the phone. It was barley even a whisper, but I could hear what she said. Her voice sounded broken, which made me feel alert. She had left after second period without giving anyone a warning. After she left, Lexie and I tried to leave but they won't even let us near the main doors. I had to basically hold Lexie back from attacking the principal. We were currently eating lunch (surprisingly Tori invited us to sit with her, and for some weird reason we accepted. I think we hoped she could make a plan for our escape of this jail), but it was very quiet. As soon as I got the call, I left the table to have a bit more privacy because Cat would not want her "friends" to know she called me.

"Cat, what's wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?" I asked all at once, hoping that my voice came across as gentle and caring. I don't want Cat to think that she is annoying (which she is not), I want her to think that she can come to me with anything.

"My heart hurts. How could Robbie get over me like that? Am I not worth anything?" Cat emptily asked me. I could hear her quiet sobbing over the phone, which made me really upset and angry. Someone as amazing at Cat shouldn't be messed with someone as awful as Robbie. She deserves so much better. She deserves everything.

"You mean everything, Cat," I truthfully told her. She was still crying over the phone, but she was calming down.

**_And you end up crying, and I end up lying, 'cause I'm just a sucker for anything that you do._**

There was a long silence, and for a minute I thought she hung up. "Do you think Robbie ever liked me? Or was he just using me?" The question replayed over and over in my head. Up until now, that's exactly what I thought of this. But would telling her make her better or worse? So I ended up lying.

"Of course he liked you." I replied trying to sound convincing. "Everyone likes you. You are like a magnet that everyone is drawn to because of how amazing you are. Robbie is just an idiot."

**_And when the phone call finally ends, you say, "Thanks for being a friend," and we're going in circles again and again_**

More silence invaded the call, and it was deafening. Who knew silence could be so loud? "Thanks for being a friend, Jai," Cat said and hung up the call. For some reason, the word friend stung. Well, if I'm being honest its not "for some reason". I am in love with Cat Valentine. But she only sees me as a friend. That's all I'll ever be. That's all she'll ever see me as. I have to get over these emotions. After the call, I heading back towards the table which was still awkwardly quiet. The table consisted of Jade playing with her food (and trying to sabotage Tori's food, which haven't succeeded), Robbie talking to Rex (like that was normal), Lexie glaring at everyone (if looks could kill, we'd all be dead), Andre was playing his keyboard, and Tori was being normal and eating her food.

Lexie gave me a questioning look, as if she was trying to say 'what happened?'. I shrugged, not wanting to discuss this with the people here especially Robbie. I sat down,and was surprised that Tori and Andre actually started a conversation.

"Why would you give up your feet to have your hands?" Tori asked Andre surprised. I didn't really care about this conversation, so underneath the table Lexie and I were texting about the phone call.

**_I dedicate this song to you, the one who never sees the truth, that I can take away your hurt, heartbreak girl. Hold you tight straight through the day light, I'm right here. When you gonna realize that I'm your cure, heartbreak girl?_**

Lexie then changed topics throughout the texts.

**Lex: **You know, I really ship you and Cat  
**Jai: **Ship?  
**Lex: **Yes, ship! Get with the times Jai! You two are great, and together you could be great...er. You would treat her right. I know you like her, I can see you blushing  
**Jai: **You're overthinking this.

I then put down the phone because the bell rang indicating that lunch was over. The way that everyone shuffled into the school reminded me of the stampede in _The Lion King. _We joined the stampede and headed back inside.

* * *

**_I bite my tongue but I wanna scream out you could be with me now but I end up telling you what you wanna hear, but you're not ready and it's so frustrating. He treats you so bad and I'm so good to you, it's not fair. When the phone call finally ends You say, "I'll call you tomorrow at 10," and I'm stuck in the friend zone again and again._**

She called again at around 9:30 PM, which was good because it helped her get her emotions and feelings out with this whole situation. Hopefully tomorrow's spray painting would also help her. It took everything in me to not say something stupid like "you could be with me". I told her what she wants to hear. Her only response was that she would call me tomorrow at 10 to get the supplies for the street art. I keep on seeing and realizing that I'm stuck in the friend zone. How do you get out of the friend zone? Soon enough, these thoughts stopped flooding my head. The friend zone isn't such a bad thing. I need to get over Cat. She obviously doesn't like me that way.

**_I know someday it's gonna happen and you'll finally forget the day you met him. Sometimes you're so close to your confession. I gotta get it through your head, that you belong with me instead _**

Even though I knew it was wrong, there was still some part of me who hoped that Cat would forget Robbie and realize she belongs with me instead.

**_I dedicate this song to you, the one who never sees the truth, that I can take away your hurt, heartbreak girl. Hold you tight straight through the day light, I'm right here. When you gonna realize that I'm your cure, heartbreak girl?_**

* * *

**That's the chapter! I hope you liked this different style of writing! Anyways, will Jai really get over Cat? Will Cat realize her feelings about Jai? Do you have an idea for the story? Leave a review and I will try to meet your requests, advice, ideas, ect. Bye!**


	15. New Friendships

**Finding Cat  
******Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.****

* * *

The phone dialed, and with each second my worries grew. Tonight is when we were going to spray paint the side of the school. I realize that our planned art was more of an example of heartbreak rather than an attack on Robbie, but in my opinion that's what made it better. Sure, anyone could write 'omg robbie totally sucks!1!' (which is true) but no one would know why he sucked. In the way we were doing it, it was a silent attack on Robbie. No one would know it was for him, and hopefully someone could relate. I glanced at the stencils I made before hand, and my worries grew even more.

"Hey Cat! I parked around the block. Are you going to need any help sneaking out of the house? Lexie is here so she could distract," Jai spoke over the phone. I glanced around my pink room and grabbed the stencils. After informing Jai it would be no problem sneaking out (I hope), the phone call came to an end. There was no windows in my room which made sneaking out so much harder.

I stuffed some pillows under my blankets in case my parents came in to check on me which was doubtful since they hardly care for me. Then I walked hout of my room quietly while turning off the lights. The hallway was dark so it was pretty hard to find my way out. After going down the stairs (and skipping the 4th one because it squeaks) I reached the door and walked out.

The sidewalks were illuminated by the streetlights and it reminded me of my first date with Robbie. Thinking back to it now, I realize how naive I was. Throughout the whole date Robbie had been doing inappropriate things. Images flashed through my mind of him trying to get my dress to fly up on the bike ride, to him putting his hand on my knees when I did not want him to. _ If you were on a date with Jai, he would never do that to you. _ The thought echoed in my head. Why was I thinking about dating Jai? Especially after being cheated on. Still walking, I tried to ignore the thought as the car got closer. Jai and Lexie were in the front seat talking about something that brought a smirk to Lexie's face.

"All black? Really Cat?" Lexie asked with slight laughter in her voice.

"You can never be too safe," I replied. I was wearing a loose black shirt that said 'Social Casualty', black ripped skinny jeans, black boots, and a 5SOS beanie ( (outfit on profile). After getting in the car, Jai started toward Hollywood Arts. For some odd reason, my nerves and worries disappeared. Soon enough, the school came into view. Earlier we had decided that we would paint the front of the school so everyone would see it. The school came into view, and we got off the car.

Then after getting the materials, we filled in the stencils while complete silence took over us. I then opened my spray paint and sprayed over the stencils.

* * *

I couldn't bring myself to go to school to see all of the surprise on their faces, so I decided to go my my safe spot; the beach. It probably isn't a good idea to skip school after the painting was up (it'll probably raise suspicion), but I didn't care. The waves were crashing against the shore violently, and for some reason it made me happier. The beach was always a good place for me. It had memories that made me smile thinking over them. My family and I used to come here all the time; we'd have picnics, build sandcastles, and play water games together. I'm not sure why my family one day decided that I wasn't worth the effort. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember waking up from my bed and running to hug my mom. After I tried to hug her (she didn't hug back) my whole family just shut me out and were being rude to me. I'd always assumed it was because they had enough of me, but to this day I have no idea what changed.

"Cat?" I heard my name being called. Turning around, I couldn't hide the shock on my face. It was Tori. Why had Tori come looking for me? How did she know I'd be here? Why did she care enough to find me?

"Hey Tori," I greeted trying to be polite.

"Why aren't you at school?" She asked, for once sounding genuine. Usually when she talked to me there was always a hint of amusement laced in her voice. I shrugged, not really wanting to tell the _real_ reason why I didn't go. Sure, there was always the fact that I didn't want to see their faces of surprise. But today was the day my grandpa died. He used to always take me to the beach (with my parents) and he loved making cookies with me. In some way, this visit was like a memorial of my old life.

"Do you want to come to school with me?" Tori asked like I was a ticking timebomb about to explode. I nodded, lying. I really didn't want to go to school, but its probably better than a beach day with Tori. "Look Cat, I'm really really sorry about everything I did to you. Recently I've been talking to Jai, and he told me about how we excluded you from everything. I don't know why I did that. I feel terrible. Hopefully you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. Hopefully we can start over." Tori put her hand out. "Hi, I'm Tori Vega,"

I took her hand, giggling at this. "Hi, I'm Cat Valentine."

"I'm really hoping to get to know the real you," Tori said with a smile.

"I want to know the real you, too."

* * *

Let's just say walking in to class forty minutes late does not go down well with a teacher. After Tori apologized, we decided to head back to class. On the way there I realized Tori isn't so bad. She made a lot of funny jokes which made me almost crash 4 times because I was laughing so hard I couldn't drive properly. She told me that when she's never stepping into a car with me when I'm driving and she can't wait to get her license. When we walked in, we got yelled at and it took everything in us to not start laughing till we cried.

We ended up getting further in the _Fault In Our Stars_. I am really in love with writing it so far. It was weird because for once Lexie wasn't making mean comments toward Tori. She was trying to know her. I could tell that Lexie didn't trust Tori completely (neither did I, to be honest) but she was giving her a second chance. I thought of lyrics and wrote them down when no one was looking.

This is the part when I say I don't want ya  
I'm stronger than I've been before  
This is the part when I break free  
'Cause I can't resist it no more

No more, baby, ooh

Thought on your body  
I came alive  
It was lethal  
It was fatal  
In my dreams it felt so right  
But I woke up every time


	16. Better Left Unsaid

**Finding Cat  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.**  
**

* * *

It's been a couple of weeks since Tori and I became friends. Tori is different than what I had always thought of her. It's all about perception. I think. I had always viewed her as Tori Vega, the most popular girl in school with the beautiful face and incredible voice. Now that I actually got to know her more, I realized that I was wrong. There is a lot more to Tori than I realized. She is incredibly funny, she lights up the room when she walks in. I finally don't feel afraid of her anymore. We finished our song and we are going to play it at the Big Showcase in a couple of days. I was very excited.

Everything was finally going good. We finished _The Fault in Our_ _Stars _and got an A on it. Lexi officially moved to LA which we all were extremely excited about. We all began walking to the ice cream shop that Jai and I met in. That probably was a couple of weeks ago, but it feels like a lifetime. As we entered into the familiar shop, I felt more relaxed as I looked at the familiar setting. The shop had a very vintage look to it. The way the colors were so different but complimented each other perfectly was definitely my favorite thing about the shop besides the coziness of it. Jai was still acting pretty weird and distant and it was very confusing to me. What changed all of a sudden?

"So, Cat are you going to order vanilla or what?" Jai asked me with a hint of coldness and resentfulness hidden in his voice. It had been there ever since I dated Robbie, and even though Robbie and I aren't together anymore, I can still hear the void in his voice. The emptiness. I glanced at him, trying to read him like a book. It used to be so easy to read him, but now I feel like I don't know who I'm looking at. I nod, not really in the mood for a discussion or interested in the flavor of ice cream I will have. The only thing I'm interested in right now is the way his blue eyes looked at me and how there was a sudden sadness in them. The way his hair looked perfect without him even trying. I feel myself fall into a trance just captivated by him. Everything he is. In that moment, nothing else mattered. We were infinite. He brakes my gaze and heads to the counter to order the ice cream. It just occurs to me that I had been staring at him for who knows how long.

"Cat and I are just going to go the ladies room for a second," Lexi said and dragged me out of the main area and into the bathrooms. She had this frantic look in her eye-an urgency. It alarmed me of all of the mixture of expression in her face; confusion, happiness and overall urgency.

Her brown wavy locks framed her face as she moved it out of her way. "What was that all about?!" She asked me.

"What was what all about, Lexi?" I asked confused at what she was coming across.

"That whole exchange with you and Jai? You know, the whole starring into his eyes, a whole bunch of things that were never said?" She replied as if it was obvious.

"Some things are better left unsaid. And that was nothing, you don't need to worry about it. I was just giving him a friendly glance thanking him for buying us ice cream. Not everyone does that, you know," I tried to play it off, but something just clicked when I was looking at him. I can't deny that ever since Jai ran into me on the sidewalk, things have changed. That's a given. For once, I actually feel somewhat confident about myself. But I did not have feelings for him. It wouldn't be convenient. He would never like me.

* * *

When I got a call at around three in the morning, I was not surprised. This was a new tradition between Jai and I. He would insist on climbing up my window and calling my phone to wake me up. I got out of bed and opened my window, letting him enter my room. He came in and we sat in silence for a while. It felt as if we were chocking with all of the unsaid things lingering in the air. _Some things are better left unsaid, _I reminded myself. It wasn't news that my feeling for Jai were changing-fast. It also wasn't news that somehow Jai and Tori got even closer recently. That's why I've been hiding these new feelings to myself. Why ruin a good thing? The only person it would hurt is myself, and I'm used to it.

I didn't realize it, but he was staring at me-studying me. I tried to hide a blush as I glanced back at him.

"What's something you're afraid of?" He asked me, the words rolling off his tongue so smoothly and naturally. _I'm afraid of being in love with you. _

"I don't know, spiders?" I said, hoping that would pass as an answer. He gave me a look asking for something better, deeper. "Okay, I guess I'm afraid to get up everyday." He arched an eyebrow at me, confusion flowing off his face. I continued. "I'm scared to drag myself through everyday. I'm afraid of ending up hurt. I'm afraid of being beaten, torn apart, and broken. I'm afraid of loosing you."

"Cat, you could never loose me." The statement held emotion that I couldn't describe. Even after all this confession, there was still something lingering in the air that was unsaid. "What aren't you telling me?" I asked.

"It's not that big of a deal, Cat."

"If it's bothering you then it's a big deal, Jai. I want you to be happy." I replied honestly. I've grown so fond of the boy I'm staring at in the middle of the night.

"I just asked Tori out on a date. It's not a big deal. She said yes. We're going to the beach." Jai muttered out. It felt like my heart was ripped out from my chest. After my talk with Lexi, I realized that I was in love with him. And it's only fate that I won't be with him. I found it ironic how they were going to the beach which was my safe place. I was not angry with Tori, she had every right to go out with Jai, he's one of the best people I know. The only person I should be angry at is myself. For being so stupid and naive that he would like me. That he would wait for me. _Some things are better left unsaid._

"I just want you to be happy."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's been a while! Honestly, the reason why I haven't written anything in a while is because I felt like everything I wrote wasn't good enough. I am trying different writing techniques and am trying to get bigger plot and storyline for this story. I hope you liked this chapter of Cat's realization of her feelings for Jai. See you soon (I promise)!**


	17. Survival of the Fittest

**Finding Cat  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.

* * *

Things went from bad to worse after that night when I realized my feelings for Jai. He and Tori were unbelievably happy together. As of now, they have gone on two dates. He went on and on in extreme detail of each of those _amazing _dates. I couldn't help but feel jealous, but I am very good of masking my feelings so no one suspected anything. It hurts to see someone who you're in love with fall in love with someone else. I have no one to blame but me. _Everything bad in the world is your fault. _It hurts to look into Jai's sparkling blue eyes that I am in love with fall in love with someone else. It hurts to act strong and unaffected by his new emotions for Tori that were clearly growing more and more each day. More importantly, it hurt that it wasn't me.

It's crazy to see someone who you are in love with and realize that they aren't in love with you. It's hard to breathe. It's like everything that you once saw in beautiful color has faded to grey. You end up feeling empty inside. _It's your own fault. _

Today was the Big Showcase that I would be crashing. It seems so long ago, when we first came up with the plan. At the time, I couldn't wait. Now, all I feel is the impending doom of failure and embarrassment. _You're a failure._

"Hey Cat, are you ready for today?" Jai asked excitement brimming from his voice. Ever since our three AM chat, the distance and resentment had gone away. Now he was happy. This is what I wanted, I had to remind myself. He was finally getting the affection he deserves. He deserves love. I need to stop being selfish and get over this stupid little crush because it'll inevitably ruin everything. Our friendship is the most important thing. My new found feelings for him don't matter.

"Yeah, so excited," My voice sounded fake in my own ears. Trying to sound convincing, I added a laugh at the end. It sounded tired and drained.

"Are you okay?" Jai asked with concern in his voice.

"I'm just a little tired."

"I'm not-" Jai was interrupted by Tori coming up and linking arms with him. He immediately forgot what he was saying and glanced at Tori smiling. _Thank God for Tori._

"Hey, Cat! Robbie was looking for you. He's in the theater." Tori told me with a smile. She was oblivious to what had happened between us. I didn't want anyone to know; it's embarrassing. I guess that's how life will be for me. I will always be everyone's second choice. I was Robbie's second choice, and now I'm Jai's. Everyone will eventually leave me.

I nodded, not trusting my voice to work properly around her and Jai acting all coupley. As I walked through the school, I couldn't help but notice how _happy_ everyone looked. It was in that moment when I realized that I hadn't been for a while. Sure, over the past couple of weeks I had gotten better, but it was more of a feeling of contentedness. It's sad how I can't remember how it feels to be happy. Before I realized it, I was anxiously standing outside of the theater debating whether or not to go in.

My breath hitched as I approached the door knob. Is this a mistake? What if I'm walking into a trap? _Stop being such a wimp. Stop being so pitiful. Stop being yourself. _The door knob felt cold underneath my hand as I hesitantly twisted it open. Robbie was standing there in a blue button up shirt smirking at me as I walked in. Feelings of nostalgia hit me like a hurricane. Although we only dated for a short time, this was the boy who I was in love with for well over a year. Seeing him smirking at me sent chills down my spine and worries to my mind. _It's like he's a new person. _That's when it hit me; his new attitude is a facade. The boy I'm looking at know is not the boy I knew. Who knows what happened to change him all of a sudden.

"You actually showed up. That's a good sign," He said rather snarky. His voice had an edge to it that I don't think I've ever heard from Robbie. What happened to the Robbie I knew?

"What do you want Robbie?" I asked rather annoyed with his smirk and his presence. His face twisted sourly, as if my presence was a nuisance to him.

His lip twitched, and he took a step closer to me which made me feel rather uncomfortable. "I want to know if there's still a spark with us." I felt like throwing up. Panic flooded me as I tried to control my breathing. All I could imagine is a list of everything bad that could happen. Still, I held my ground. _I will be strong._

"There is nothing between us. We've become nothing more than a dried up memory. What was once a spark you turned to ashes. A wilted memory. And I wish that I could change whatever I did to make you ask me on a date. To have an interest in me. If I could erase that action, that sentence, whatever it was I would. I would erase the pain you gave me when you told me I wasn't enough. You never liked me how I liked you. And I hope that this mask of arrogance that you are wearing comes off soon. It doesn't look good on you." Then I walked out with my head held high.

* * *

Lexi came to my house to help me get ready to crash the showcase. She was helping me with my outfit and hair. We decided to go with a floral dress and a leather jacket with my hair in a ponytail.

"So, Lexi, what has been going on in your life? Meet any cute boys?" I asked raising my eyebrows teasingly as I saw Lexi turn a visible shade of red. She looked as red as my lipstick.

"Well, there is this one guy I met at Hollywood Arts. His name is Liam and he's really nice. I don't know him that well but I'm working on it," She said winking at me as I playfully shoved her shoulder. "What about you? Have you realized that you're very much in love with Jai? You're killing all of us!" Alexa yelled in a dramatic teasing voice.

"Lexi, you're so wrong about this. I am not in love with Jai. Either way, he is with Tori so it doesn't even matter."

She gave me a stern look suddenly a lot more serious than before. "Cat, I know you better than anyone and I declare that that is absolute bullshit." When I didn't respond, she took that as a queue to continue. "If two people are meant to be together they will find their way back. I have always believed that. I believe in you and Jai."

"There is no me and Jai. Can we move on, please?" I asked silently hoping she would. Lexi can be very stubborn when she wants to be. Luckily, she agreed. "We should probably head down to the school now, Kitty."

She linked her arms up with mine and we began to walk out of my house.

"Where do you think you're going?" the voice had venom laced in it with a hint on amusement. I turned around to meet the snarling look of my mother. It broke my heart that our relationship was like this. "We're going to the library," I lied fluently. Studying her face was like torture. Looking at the broken family was torture.

She never broke my gaze, trying to see some error in what I said. "Okay."

* * *

I never knew what happened between my family and I. When I was younger, we used to be really close. When we moved to LA, my parents got invested in their jobs and began to see anything else as a waste of time. They were both lawyers and my brother is aspiring to be one. Maybe that's what I did. It's my fault they hate me. _It's my fault that I'm such a disgrace._

The car ride to the school was filled with jokes and fun between Lexi and I. Jai agreed to meet us there because this was going to be his third date with Tori. That stung more than I cared to admit, but I would have to accept it at some point. Everything going on between Jai and Tori is none of my business. I need to respect that.

"Hey, guys!" I greeted as we walked up to Jai and Tori who were laughing at a joke. We all sat down and watched everyone perform and while they were all amazing, but I couldn't stop staring at Jai. He was so impressed with all of the talent and it was incredibly cute the way his face lit up when he saw everyone perform. As the concert was coming to an end, I snuck behind stage. It was fairly easy considering there was no one actually working security. After the last performer (Tori), I snuck on stage while she got off. People were beginning to leave when I stopped then. "Wait. There's one more performer." I said shyly.

Everyone turned around to inspect me and silently judge what I was doing. "My name is Cat Valentine." I said in my normal voice, not my "Cat voice". "Before I sing, there is something I would like to address. Ever since I moved here freshman year, I was seen as weak. People tried to tear me down and make me feel inferior to them. And for a while, it worked. It's called survival of the fittest. This means to prey on the weakest of the bunch. My whole life, that was me. My whole school experience here I have been looked down upon. No one believed in me. This is not who I will be anymore. And you'll be damned if you ever try to tear me down. This song is called Break Free." As I was about to sing, I froze. I can't do this. There is too much that could go wrong. The list was endless, the possibilities were endless. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the music that started playing. I am not a damsel in distress. I can slay my own dragons. I can save myself. I gave the song everything I have, and afterwards I was met with endless applause.

We decided to go out to eat at a barbecue grill. I am a vegetarian but I decided to go anyways. If I had known what it would be like before hand, I would have declined but now it's too late. I was third-wheeling everyone. _No one wants you._ Tori and Jai were continuing their date and were dancing. Lexi and Liam were talking at a table, so I was completely alone.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?" an unfamiliar voice said from behind me. I turned around and was met by a very attractive guy. He was wearing a plaid shirt and had very blonde hair that framed his face perfectly. He was well built and had a friendly face.

"Oh, you know, the usual, just third-wheeling my friends," I let out an light laugh. He seemed to smile at me in an amusing way. He stared at me like I was the only one in this grill.

He gestured to the dance floor. "Would you care to dance?" He asked gently. I shook my head indicating no. "You do know how to dance right?"

"I have two left feet," I joked which caused him to chuckle. "I'm Cat."

"I'm Jason, nice to meet you. Well if you don't dance, would you care for a drink?" He motioned towards the bar. Hm, I've never had a drink before. Aren't drinks used to get over people you're in love with? Or at least forget about them for a while. I tried thinking of a pro and cons list but at this point I didn't really care about anything anymore. I wanted to feel reckless.

"Sure. To the bar!" I exclaimed and he led the way.

* * *

**A/N: Another chapter! I don't think that I will update on a ****schedule****, but I will update as soon as possible.**


	18. Reckless

**Finding Cat  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.

* * *

The strange liquid stung my throat as I sat at the bar with Jason. He seemed to be a natural, but this was my first time. The liquid tasted foul but after a while you don't really notice it. The only thing I could feel is a dizzy sensation that I enjoyed. My brain feels fuzzy and my body felt warm; and I really liked how it felt. It was carefree. While glancing at Jason, I realized that he was probably drunker than I was as he began taking shots.

"Jason," I slurred my voice. "Thank you for a really fun night. We should do something even more fun." He glanced at me with a gleam in his eye, and I smiled back at him. I've been sitting at this bar for about 20 minutes, and so far no one noticed I wasn't there with them.

"What do you have in mind?" He asked his voice completely steady.

Hm, I'm not really sure what else we could do in this little gril, but I _needed _to do something reckless to forget about the pain I felt when sober. While drinking, all of my worries slipped away. "Maybe we should go parachuting!" I laughed lightly and he joined me. "For real, maybe we should, I don't know. I just want to feel reckless. I want feel alive."

"That's typically why people drink. To feel alive. To forget things. Everyone here has something that they want to forget more than anything. For some it's love, for some its their stress," he hesitated, "and for others it's their futures," Jason explained with a humorless laugh that held no emotion. After he finished talking, he took another shot. "Everyone here has something in common. When I think about that, it helps me feel less lonely."

Curiosity got the best of me and I began wondering what he could be trying to forget. What kind of personal demons my drinking partner had. What consumed his every thought when sober. What caused the pain to flow through his veins. "What are you trying to forget?" I asked to drunk to realize that the question was personal.

"Too much," was his reply. Again, he took another shot. It was then when I realized what amount of pain he must be in to drink all that he does. He gave me a glance that held mine and then he smiled. I smiled back. "Can I have another one?" I asked Jason. No one thought to ask me for an I.D. which was used to my advantage. It's probably bad business, but at this point I don't care. I just wanted to feel something other than pain. I glanced back towards Jai and Lexi, and they both were still consumed with their respective dates.

"I think you've had enough. I don't want to you to think I'm taking advantage of you. What else do you want to do?" He asked.

"Let's dance," I suggested.

"I thought you couldn't dance," He replied with amusement in his voice, clearly happy we avoided his personal issues. He did have a point, but now I could blame the unbalance on the alcohol instead of my clumsiness.

"There's a first time for everything," I said my voice sounding detached from my body. _You're drunk, _my mind screamed at me. The room was spinning in a funny way that I enjoyed as I grabbed Jason's hand and stumbled to the dance floor. We began dancing to a song I couldn't recognize. All I knew is that this is what I needed. I needed someone who could be as carefree and reckless as I wanted to be.

For once, all I could feel is _happy. _Even if it was a fleeting moment, I could finally forget about all the heartbreak in my life. Every wrong thing I've done. I could forget about everything and be a new person.

It felt graceful, we were gliding down the dance floor to inaudible songs that were covered up by conversations. While dancing, I bumped into someone incredibly tall with blue sparkling eyes and perfect brown hair. I tried getting up while shooting an apologetic smile towards Jason. "I'm sorry, didn't see ya there," I slurred out trying to keep my voice steady. I clearly looked drunk, the last thing I needed is to look like a fool.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Cat? Who is this?" the guy I ran into said with anger in his voice. _Jai. _Trying to act cool and not drunk I sat up straight forcing my mind to make sense.

I glanced at Jai then at Tori. I ignored his second question. "Nothin' much. You know, just dancin'. It's been a fun night!" I forced out hoping he wouldn't catch on to my obvious drunken state.

"You're drunk." It wasn't a question. He began to glare at Jason as if this was his fault. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine. I chose to drink. Jason did not force me and he's been nothing but sweet and respectful to me. "I am not." I said with annoyance in my voice. Who does he think he is to not be with me then all of a sudden get angry with me for being with someone else? _That's not what's happening, _the voice in my head screamed but I ignored it. What does it know, anyways?

"I'm taking you home. Tori, go find Lexi and tell her we're leaving." He said with authority in his voice. Tori obeyed willingly, not wanting to see the fight she knew was about to erupt.

"No, we're not. I have a right to do _whatever_ I want and be with _whoever_ I want. I do not need any permission from you." That sounded cold in my own ears. I stared at Jai's face, trying to read him like I used to be able to. Nothing. What happened to us? What happened to feeling like floating when I was around him? To spite him and stand my ground, I continued to dance with Jason who looked pretty uncomfortable. "Cat, maybe you should listen to him. I don't want anything bad to happen to you," Jason said with a bit of a slur and concern in his voice. I ignored him and continued dancing.

"What's going on here?" The question was so blunt, his blue eyes were holding sympathy for me. Jai knows something is wrong.

"Nothing." I replied probably a bit too quickly. Jai obviously caught on to my lie within a second.

He looked at me in disbelief. It pained me to look at him so I glanced at the floor. "Please don't lie to me. We don't lie to each other." Jai said, the pain very evident in his voice. I looked back into his crystal blue eyes that I was in love with as I could feel the tears threatening to fall. I won't let them.

"Jai, everything is fine. I just wanted to do something crazy, something exciting. And I found someone who will be crazy and exciting with me." Before more words could be exchanged, Tori and Lexi arrived and from the looks on their faces, they were obviously uncomfortable with the whole situation. They even looked a bit scared as to what would happen next.

Not wanting to focus on this, I began focusing on how the world seem to be much calmer when you're intoxicated. Lexie came to my side trying to plead with me using her eyes.

"Fine. Whatever. Jason, thank you for a fun night. Call me."

* * *

The light burned my eyes as I woke up from a relentless sleep. As I slowly opened my eyes, I became aware of my surroundings. This was not my room. This room had posters from various bands - some that I knew and some that I didn't. Slowly, I realized that I was in Jai's room and in his bed. What happened after we left the grill? All I can remember is leaving, everything else is a haze. My head was pounding as I tried to sit up.

"Good morning, Cat. There's some pain medication on the bed stand if you want it," Jai said emotionlessly sitting on the bean bag in the corner of the room. How did I end up here? Still, I didn't argue and took the medicine while glancing at the clock. It is currently 9 am.

I snuck a glance at Jai, who was staring off blankly. "What happened?" I asked and noticed that my voice sounded hoarse and weak.

"After we found out that you were drunk, Lexi and I brought you back here because she didn't want your parents upset at you. They think you're sleeping over at her house. Lexi's in the kitchen making a snack." He informed me all at once in a very monotone voice. I could already tell that this would be very bad. "How much do you remember of last night?"

"I remember arriving at the grill," I lied fluently. I didn't want to ruin his and Tori's relationship over my pathetic feelings for him.

He remained silent for a while. The tension was building around us and I could feel walls coming up around me. He was clearly angry at me for being so careless and putting myself in danger. My brain knew that he was just doing what he thought was best for me, but my stubbornness didn't want to let someone make decisions for me. I know Jai wants to protect me and he wants what's best for me, but who gave him the right to make my decisions for me?

"Look, I'm sorry for whatever made you so angry at me. I'm sorry for messing up and being careless," I apologized sincerely staring at the floor.

"I'm not angry Cat. If anything, I'm angry at myself for not being there to protect you. I know you're not someone who always needs protection, but you could have really been in danger and I wasn't there for you. I'm just really glad you're fine," Jai replied looking into my eyes.

"Can we go back to the way it was?" I asked hesitantly. "I don't know what happened to change it all of a sudden, but can forget everything that happened?"

Jai nodded, glad that things would go back to normal. "Friends?"

"Always."

Jai looked as if he was debating something within himself. He looked uncertain, as if his next words would affect everything. "Why did you do it?" He asked hesitantly.

I sighed, hoping to find a way to explain my actions. "I wanted to feel reckless." Thinking back to the haze of Jason's words last night, I continued. "I wanted to feel alive. To forget things. We all look for something to numb the pain. It's different for everyone. For me in that moment, I chose alcohol. It worked until I bumped into you."

He remained silent, as if he was absorbing my words. Jai opened his mouth and then closed it. _Some things are better left unsaid._ Before he could speak, Lexi walked in clearly hesistant on the situation. Still, she confidently sat down next to me on Jai's bed.

"Guys, I just made like the best grilled cheese sandwich in the history of grilled cheese sandwiches," she exclaimed proudly and we began laughing. The laughter filled my ears and it was nice to see that we all were finally in a good place. When I heard Jai's laugh filling my ears, it was like hearing every single possible good thing in the universe. That's when I realized how in love I am with this boy.

_I guess I found my reckless thing after all._

* * *

**A/N: How did you like the chapter? What do you guys think of Jason? Leave a review telling me what you thought of the chapter and if you have any suggestions for the story! I'll see you soon!**


	19. What Happens When The Sun Dies?

**Finding Cat  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.  
TW - mentions of suicide

* * *

_"I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink, __But now I'm insecure and I care what people think."_

Walking into school today was different than usual. It was as if people pitied me and were afraid of me at the same time. Ever since the Showcase on Friday, people looked at me like I was a ticking time bomb. Despite my confident performance three nights ago, I walked in with my head held down, almost as if I was ashamed. Nobody was looking at me, but it felt as if the whole environment has changed. It feels free, but that makes me afraid to move. It's like I preferred it under a mask because it protected me. Looking outside the window, I could see all of the colors expanding through the world. Sometimes I feel like the world would be better off without me in it.

**Jason: **Hey Cat, want to hang out?

I read the text and without thinking I immediately replied yes. Jason and I are not really friends, more as we are drinking partners. Ever since the barbecue grill, he and I have met up once or twice to have a drink. It's no where as much as it was the first night, but it was enough to forget about our problems. _It helps me feel less lonely. _His words repeated in my head. That's why we drank together, I think. To not feel completely alone. We haven't met up that often, but I could already see a bad habit forming. And the worst part was, I didn't care. _I don't care that I'm destroying myself._

It wasn't like Jason and I didn't know anything about each other. It turns out you learn a lot about someone when they're too intoxicated to realize what they're saying. Lost in thought, I somehow ended up near the door that leads to the roof. Class would be starting in a few minutes, but I didn't care as I opened the door and climbed the stairs.

The roof was pretty bland, there was a few flowers decorating it, but for the most part it was empty. I took a seat at the bench and looked at the sun, the sky, and the clouds. Too busy staring at all of the beauty in the world, that's when all of the memories of my fears came back. Fear leads to anxiety. Suddenly, I longed for the simplicity of childhood. Now that I'm older, I realize how impacted I am by what people think about me. How it destroys me. Under my ditsy Cat image, I knew people were saying stuff about me, but it wasn't actually me they were talking about. Now that I can be myself, I'm afraid of people's words. I'm insecure and I care what people think.

**You: **Jason, can you pick me up from school? We could hang out now. I don't feel like staying here.

Staying here, it feels like I'm trapped in my endless amount of thoughts. The thoughts surrounding me are giving me a migraine. And sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head. I waited for about twenty minutes until I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Unexpectedly, Sikowitz came up the stairs catching me by surprise. Wishing I could hide behind my disty Cat mask is when I realized that I killed her. Now, I have to face reality without a mask to hid behind. _And that terrified me. _

"Cat? What are you doing up here all alone? Why aren't you in class?" he asked with concern in his voice.

"Why aren't you?" I snapped back, not wanting to deal with anyone right now. I just wanted to forget about everything. My response alarmed him, as confusion spread to his eyebrow. Logically, it was not the best move to argue or snap at a teacher, but I did not feel like staying here. I just didn't care anymore.

"I dismissed everyone because nobody was doing anything. A majority of them don't even talk, its kind of scary." He was obviously trying to lighten the mood but it was failing.

I glanced blankly at him. "Well, I was just leaving anyways. There's no need to worry about me going to class. I'm not feeling well." Before he had a chance to respond, I turned my heal and walked towards the door that led up here.

**Jason: **I'm here.

So I walked towards the parking lot and into Jason's car, avoiding everyone I came into contact with. Jason didn't say anything, picking up on my mood and he drove off. That's one of the things I liked about Jason. He understood when to not press a subject. That's why we're good friends. He and I didn't have a emotionally depth friendship. It was a nice change. "How was school?" He asked intrigued as to why I asked for a ride.

"Eh, it was kind of boring." I made sure to avoid the topic of school around Jason. He graduated high school last year, and was still unsure about what he wants to do with his entire life. It also wasn't helpful that his parents think he's a disgrace and will never be successful. That's something we have in common. It's kind of funny how society asks teenagers to figure out what to do for the rest of their lives and a majority of the time don't value our opinions because "we're too young." I don't want to live like that. I don't want to be waiting to get out of high school, then waiting to get out of college, then waiting to get married and so on. Most of all, I don't want wake up one day and realize that I've spent my whole life waiting and forgot to live.

That's probably what started this whole downward spiral in my life recently. It had nothing to do with Jai's unreciprocated feelings, it was about me. I'm not in a good place mentally and emotionally and I _need_ to avoid it. _I need to forget._

Before I realized it, we were at a small little restaurant. Disappointment flooded me because I had hoped he would go back to the bar we've spent most of our time together. "I know you were hoping to go back to the bar, but I think it would be better for you to not drink for a little bit. I don't want to be a bad influence on you. Please don't hate me."

I looked at him sitting in the driver's seat, and I nodded. "I could never hate you. You have good intentions. It's just I was hoping to have a drink." He nodded understandably, and we left the car and into the restaurant.

The restaurant was quaint and was similar to a Steak and Shake. We got a table almost immediately and we began eating.

* * *

The day after the restaurant, my car radio broke. When I sit in there, I'm forced to be suffocated with my thoughts. Every morning and every night, there was no escape from my terrible thoughts. Sometimes silence is violet. My hatred for this car grew more and more everyday because I'm forced to deal with everything. My parents refused to fix it because they said I was lucky to have a car, there was no need to be a brat about it. So now I just sit in silence.

This might not seem like a big deal, and there is bigger problems in the world, but it feels like everyone and everything are giving up on me. And it doesn't help that every time I sit in this stupid car, destructive thoughts fill my brain. I imagine my lungs filling with fire, and a billion other things of this nature. After my terrible car ride home from the school, I enter my gigantic house filled with emptiness. I thought about eating a snack, but now that I think about it, I haven't eaten all day. Skipping on the snack, my phone beeped. I ignored it. _Now I just sit in silence._

* * *

"What happens when the sun dies?" the question came spilling out of my mouth before I could stop it. Jai had come over again at midnight like he had for a while. "Would people loose their minds? Or just let the darkness and cold take place in them?"

"What do you mean?" Jai asked arching his eyebrow.

"The sun works every single day and brightens up people's lives. What if one day it gets tired? What if one day it just...burns out?" I asked hesitantly before looking up at Jai.

"That could never happen, Cat."

I stared at Jai, feeling emotionally drained. "Yeah, you're right."

* * *

The weeks that followed were not any better. I had gotten used to Jai and Tori. That didn't bother me anymore. What bothered me was this constant feeling of unhappiness that floated around with me everywhere I went. Jason and I met up more frequently, but we did not get drunk all the times. We would have meaningful conversations. No one noticed my distance from them. No one noticed my fake smiles. No one noticed that I was constantly tired. The tired I am experiencing isn't a physical exhaustion, but a mental and emotional one.

And recently a thought kept popping back into my head. I've been thinking too much. Most of the time I'm thinking about the end, but its fun to fantasize. The thought was destructive, and it felt numb._ Sometimes to stay alive you've gotta kill you're mind. _The way I would kill myself, it would have to look like an accident. A car crash. The thought was oddly satisfying and it was occurring more and more recently ever since my car radio broke.

"Hey, Cat!" Jai and Tori came walking up to me, smiles plastered on their faces. I gave a fake smile back. They didn't notice.

"What's up guys?" I asked, my voice sounding drained and _tired _in my own ears. They didn't notice.

"We were just wondering if you'd like to join us after school to go to Nozu to get sushi," Tori invited and smiled. I shook my head indicating no. I was going to do it. No needed to be there to distract me. "I have plans."

They nodded and walked away. School was ending in a couple of minutes so I got a head start and walked to my stupid car. My hands were shaking nervously as I began to drive. There was this one highway where it would be perfect for this to look like an accident. My car could fly off the bridge and it would all be over.

The thought was oddly enjoyable as I headed towards the highway. Time seemed to pause as I began to feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins. This was reckless, but not last minute. I had been planning this for weeks. It needed to be perfect. I understood science well, so understanding how to stage this like a perfect accident was easy. As I began to turn towards to crash, fear struck my body. _This was it._

A crushing feeling exploded around my chest. Everything went dark, and all I could hear was a small whimper escape my lips as I anticipated the pain I was about to feel.

* * *

Jai and Tori were enjoying another one of their endless dates that filled them both with happiness. But Jai couldn't help but feel as if he was here with the wrong girl. It was no secret how much he loved that redhead. There's nothing wrong with dating Tori, he had to keep reminding himself everyday. He wondered what she was doing at this exact minute. Was she singing? Was she with Lexie? Was she with that mysterious guy he met briefly at the grill? Jai felt himself tense at the thought, but he soon relaxed. She hadn't met up with him since. She was happy for once. It made him glad to know she was finally at peace with herself. Cat Valentine was a ray of sunshine that lit up his world. _What happens when the sun dies? _He recalled that she asked him that a couple nights ago during their traditional midnight talks. _That could never happen, Cat. _

Lexie came running in, tears streaming her face and she was shaking. She had just received a call from Cat's parents that paralyzed her. She needed to find Jai so they could go see their best friend.

"Lexie, what's wrong?" Jai immediately stood up and comforted a hysterical Lexie.

"It's Cat," she mumbled through sobs. He froze as fear filled his whole body. "She's been in an accident."

_This is what happens when the sun is dying._

* * *

**A/N: What's going to happen to Cat? This chapter was heavily inspired by twenty one pilots' songs "Stressed Out", "Migraine", and some lyrics from their other songs. I hope you enjoyed! Leave a review!**


	20. Hope's For Suckers

**Finding Cat  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.  
TW - mentions of anorexia

* * *

Jai hated hospital rooms. The white walls were plastered with fake hope and disappointment. The worst thing someone could have is fake hope. Sitting in the waiting room was pure agony for Jai, Lexie, and Tori. They were anxiously awaiting news of what happened to Cat, and there was nothing. All they had were their highly imaginative and vivid minds picturing the worst. Jai was in denial. There was no way this was happening. Not to Cat. _Not to his Cat._

Lexie was going through various emotions. She consisted of a curled up ball sitting on the very uncomfortable waiting chairs trying to sob quietly. This was her best friend. The girl she grew up with. None of this was real. None of this was supposed to happen. Ever since Lexi and Cat were little girls, they planned their entire lives. Granted, some of it was ridiculous like marrying twin princes and living in a castle, but at least they were together in these fantasies. It was not apart of their plans for Lexie to experience life alone. This was not supposed to happen.

Tori was not crying, just staring blankly at a wall. In that moment, she completely despised herself. Why had she always ignored Cat up until recently? Tori knew why, but she couldn't admit it. She couldn't help but think of all of the wasted time that consumed their friendship. This car accident made Tori feel terrible. And she felt selfish for feeling these ways when Cat was in the ER fighting for her life. What right did she have to hate herself when her friend is dying? It was selfish. Her heart ached for the redhead, even though they were only friends for a couple of weeks. She hoped that she would make it. She hoped that she would not be disappointed. _Hope's for suckers._

Cat's family was showing absolutely no emotion. It was unclear how they felt about the whole situation, but not a single tear was cried for their injured daughter and sister. The door opened and a doctor emerged with an unreadable expression. "Caterina Valentine?"

Immediately, the three friends rose out of their seats and walked towards the doctor. Anxiety flowed throughout Lexie's body as she began to wipe her tears away wth Jai's oversized sweater he gave her when they arrived here. She needs to be strong for Cat.

"Hello. I'm Doctor Keith and I was operating on Caterina Valentine." the doctor introduced himself. "Caterina's condition is very critical and it is likely that she will not survive the night." Those words shattered all of their hearts. Lexie let out a strangled sob as Jai began to comfort her. "She has two broken ribs, a broken leg, and we are considering skull damage. She is currently having a CT scan. While Caterina was driving, she was hit severely by her air bag which caused a punctured lung." The description was ever more morbid than they could ever imagine. _It is likely that she will not survive the night. _

"When can we see her?" Lexie asked desperately.

"Her CT scan is almost over. After that you can visit her, but keep in mind that she is currently unconscious." the doctor replied and left.

They retreated back to their chairs, and slumped in defeat. It was currently almost midnight, and they were growing more and more anxious as every minute passes. _This is what happens when the sun dies. _The conversation kept replaying in Jai's mind like a broken record. What could she have possibly meant by that? Jai wasn't thinking straight. He couldn't think straight while his sunshine was fighting for her life, for her shine.

They were all left there, strangled by their thoughts.

* * *

An hour passed, and there was still no new news about Cat. Her parent's left almost immediately the doctor left, and it took everything in Jai to not scream at them for being this way. Yelling won't fix this, nothing will. No one had said a word to one another in over an hour. Suddenly, Tori got up.

"I'm gonna get some coffee. Do you guys want any?" Tori asked softly. It was clear that she was exhausted, that was plastered all over her face. But it was also clear that she would not be leaving until Cat was better. Jai and Lexie declined, and with that Tori quietly left towards the cafe.

Again, the deafening silence rose around them. The same doctor from before came out again, and that sparked hope into their hearts. Fake hope is the worst kind of hope. Rationally, they knew that the chances of her survival were unlikely. But, they still held hope in their hearts. "Cat pulled through the CT scan nicely. We could not see any severe skull fractures, so now she is back in her hospital room. Because of her condition and the time, there can only be one visitor at a time."

"Lexie, you can go," Jai suggested, and Lexie responded with a nod as she followed the doctor to where he was leading her. Jai wanted to desperately tag along, to scheme his way into her room. But this was Cat's best friend, and Cat needed her now more than ever.

Lexie's heart seemed to be jumping out of her chest with every step they took in the narrow hallways. She was not prepared to see her best friend like this. She suddenly wished that no one would ever have to go through this pain. The doctor stopped abruptly. "Here we are. If she shows any signs of waking up, press the call nurse button." She was then left alone in front of the closed door. Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door. Her heart stopped and she could feel the tears forming in her eyes. This was worse than she even imagined. Cat wasn't even _breathing_ on her own. _I can't do this, _repeated in Lexie's mind. Still, she walked up to Cat and sat on a chair.

"Hi, Cat," Lexie said. Her voice sounded detached and broken as she tried to not cry. "I don't really know what to say." Lexie's brain was racing at a thousand miles and she could not form one coherent thought. "I'm not even sure if you can hear me. I just want you to know how much I love you. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today. So thank you. Most of all," she paused, and began crying, "thank you for being my best friend. Do you remember when we were younger and we could go to the creek together and have a bunch of crazy adventures? I wish we could go back." Lexie didn't know what else to say, she wasn't even sure if Cat could hear her right now. So, she did what she could and began crying at the sight of her. Hot tears flooded Lexie's face as she tried to calm down. She needed to be strong for Cat. For her best friend. Lexie was filled of anxiety. How would she go on if she lost Cat? This was the girl who gave her hope and happiness her entire life. This girl was her other half. Without Cat, Lexie would be empty. Disturbing her thoughts, Lexie heard a phone go off. It wasn't her phone, so she checked Cat's. Oddly enough, Cat's phone wasn't completely broken. _But everything else is._

**Jason: **Hey, want to hang out tonight? We could go to the grill. Maybe even parachuting! Haha

Who is Jason? Lexie's mind went back to the night of the barbecue grill that seemed like a lifetime ago. She wasn't completely sure what had happened that night. All Lexie could remember is that Cat was with an unfamiliar guy.

**You: **This is Cat's friend, Lexie, and Cat's in the hospital. She was in a car accident.

The message seemed so blunt, but that's what was going on and she needed to accept it. Lexie felt like she should be angry at Cat for continuing to meet with this guy, but she wasn't. There was no telling how Jai would react, though. That made her question why she told Jason. Cat needs people who care about her here. If this Jason guy and Jai really cared about Cat, they would have to get along for her sake.

"How come you didn't tell me you kept meeting up with the grill guy?" Lexie asked, knowing very well that she wouldn't get an answer. Her voice wasn't filled with anger. It was hoarse and weak. That's how she felt. "It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you survive. The world needs you Cat Valentine. I need you."

* * *

Lexie couldn't stay in Cat's hospital room much longer. She couldn't looking at her best friend's almost corpse. After she sent the text, she left the room and went back to the waiting room. Tori returned with a coffee and was battling sleep. The waiting room remained the same; silent. Sometimes silent is violent. When she returned, she told Jai to go see her and he responded immediately.

When Jai reached the room, he let out a sob that he didn't know he was holding in. It had been an emotional night thus far and he had cried a lot. But he needed to seem strong for Tori and more importantly, Lexie. She was a wreck. Jai needed to be there to protect her. He can not seem weak. He hesitantly opened the door and sat on the chair slowly. Jai grabbed her hand as if Cat would magically wake up. She didn't.

"Some interesting late night talk, huh?" he said his voice filled with pain. He remained silent for a long time, trying to form words without breaking out into tears. He needed to be strong. "I think I finally understand what you were saying the night you asked about the sun dying. You asked if people loose their minds or let the darkness and cold take place in them. I finally know an answer to that. It's both. You are the sun, Cat. You burn so bright and bring happiness into everyone's life. Without you, we would all loose our mind. Darkness and cold would consume us until we are left with nothing." Staring at Cat's lifeless body was painful. _She's not even breathing on her own. _

Jai began tapping his toes trying to distract himself from Cat. The way the machine was breathing for her. The way her broken leg was put up. The way her eyes were closed. The way she was dying.

Staring at her lifeless body was agonizing. Tears came out of no where, but he wiped them away quickly. He needed to be strong. _It is likely that she will not survive the night._ The doctor's words surrounded him as he tried to get rid of them. "I don't know what I would do without you." He hesitated for a long time, trying to understand his feelings for the dying girl. "I think I'm in love with you." He confessed while staring at the ground. "And now you'll never know because it's too late. I wasn't ready to tell you how I felt. I even tried avoiding it by dating Tori. That was stupid of me. I should have waited for you. Now, you'll never know. I just want to scream." His confession made him start sobbing. How could he have been such an idiot? He should have waited for her. Now, it is too late. _It is likely that she will not survive the night._

Jai wanted more than anything to be in here if she woke up, but he couldn't bear it. Hope's for suckers. Jai began to walk out of the hospital room trying to compose himself. He half expected her to call his name before he left. Nothing. So, he did what he could. Jai wiped his tears and walked out of the room with a facade of strength.

He was the exact opposite. He was weak.

* * *

Tori was surprised when Lexie and Jai encouraged her to go visit Cat. Tori felt like she had no right to feel emotional over Cat. Tori was awful to her, she had no right to go visit her. Tori felt like that should be her in the hospital bed instead of Cat. Still, Tori hid her true feelings and walked towards Cat's hospital room. Ever since this happened, Tori tried to understand why she ha always been so rude to Cat. It wasn't a secret how thin Cat was. For a while now, Tori viewed herself as a disgusting pig. And Cat, she was so _perfect. _This wasn't an excuse. Tori had no right to even be here. Still, with these thoughts clouding her mind, she walked in.

She stayed at the doorway for a while, not knowing what to do. Was she supposed to sit down? Was she supposed to talk to her? _She had no right. _Tori quietly and slowly walked towards Cat's bed and sat in the chair near it. For a while, she was silent. What was she supposed to say?

"Hi, Cat," she started awkwardly. _She had no right. _Still, she continued. "I want to apologize how I treated you. I'm such an idiot. That's another thing to add on the list of why I hate myself," she mumbled. Tori was annoyed with herself. Here Cat was fighting for her life, and she was making a list of why she hated herself. _She had no right. _"I just want to explain. This has been on my chest for a while, and I need to get it off. Okay?" She got no response, but continued anyways. "For as long as I can remember, I viewed myself as obese. Ever since I was a little girl. Last year, I decided to limit what I ate. It worked. I was starving myself. Everyone around me seem to be so thin, and I just wanted to fit in. No one noticed that I wasn't eating as much, but I noticed the results. For once, I was okay with myself. _I was skinny. _And everyday I saw you, you would have the perfect amount of body weight that I felt jealous of. I tried ignoring you to feel better about myself. I didn't think it meant anything because I assumed everyone would still talk to you. Turns out, when I do something, everyone follows. I'm so sorry, Cat."

Tori began crying at everything. She began crying over her body, over Cat's condition, over everything bad in the world. "And _when _you wake up, I promise to become a very good friend to you."

* * *

Now, they were all waiting in the waiting room. They slept for a couple of hours and now it was about six in the morning. Jason had joined them a couple of hours ago, and surprisingly no one had reacted in a negative way. The door to enter the waiting room opened, and Jade, Beck, Andre, and Trina walked in silently. The waiting room was crowded with people who had hope for Cat. Jai, Lexie, and Tori's nerves increased because it was now the morning. _It is likely that she will not survive the night. _They had received no news and they were not sure if she was even alive. But still, they waited silently in the waiting room.

_Hope's for suckers._


	21. Facades

**Finding Cat  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.  
This chapter will be third person point of view. Next chapter, it will return to Cat's point of view.  
TW - mentions of suicide, anxiety, anorexia, PTSD, kleptomania, and OCD

* * *

Everyone waited for hours to receive news about Cat. It was now currently nine AM, and the doctors had not come out once to inform them of Cat's condition. They were all spread out throughout the waiting room. Jai made sure to comfort Lexie, so they were currently on a couch together with Lexie's head buried in Jai's chest. _This was not supposed to happen. _

Jai couldn't take it anymore. People were here who didn't care about Cat. How dare they come here? They have been nothing but toxic to Cat. "What are you all doing here? None of you guys even know Cat. Especially you, grill boy." He couldn't keep the venom out of his voice. He was breaking. Beck looked at the ground, Jade and Andre looked around, and Trina looked straight at Jai. Jason looked into Jai's eyes.

"I can't speak for them, but I know Cat." Jason responded, tiredly. Jason wasn't even angry, he was more desperate. He was desperate for news about Cat. Jai couldn't help but scoff. Jai had been without Cat, his sunshine, for about 18 hours, and he could already feel the darkness consuming him.

"You don't know the first thing about her." Jai responded coldly. He could feel Lexie rubbing his arm, telling him to calm down. Lexie was miserable without Cat, but there was no point for Jai to start this argument. She agreed with him, but this would solve nothing. The only way for this to be solved is for Cat to survive.

Jai glanced at Lexie, and he knew that he needed to stop. He needed to be strong for her. "Actually, I do. I know about her fears, her doubts, her thoughts. Turns out you learn a lot about someone when they're intoxicated. I might not have known her as long as you, but I _know _her." Whenever Jason talked, it angered Jai. And now he was suggesting that he knew her. How dare he? They only met once. He knew absolutely nothing about her.

"You've only met up with Cat once," Jai responded, knowing that he shouldn't.

Jason stared blankly into Jai's eyes. "That's where you're wrong. She and I met up constantly. At least twice a week. Sometimes we would drink, other times we would talk. She is my friend, and I care about her. I'm here for the same reason you are, so I don't see a point to arguing about it." Jai felt an indescribable amount of feelings all at once; annoyance, betrayal, and jealousness. It made no sense for Jai to be feeling this when it wasn't important, but he couldn't help it.

The doctor emerged and he had a smile plastered on his face. "Caterina's condition drastically improved throughout the night. She in now breathing on her own. She still is unconscious, but it seems like she will survive." Lexie and Jai were filled with happiness and she hugged him.

"Could I visit her?" Jason asked the doctor. He hadn't had a chance to visit her yet, and he needed to see that she was okay. The doctor nodded in approval. This filled Jai with rage, but he tried to hide it. He sat back on the couch trying to control his thoughts.

Jason walked in to her hospital room and immediately sat down in the chair that had been used multiple times before. Cat looked better than yesterday, color was put back into her face. Yesterday, she had been drastically pale. Jason sighed and started immediately, "Cat, I'm not stupid. I know this was a suicide attempt. No one else has gathered the information, but that's because no one has gotten drunk with you. I remember our conversation the night before all of this happened. I remember you saying how unhappy you were. Do you think I'm convinced its a coincidence?" Jason paused, not knowing what else to say. "I haven't had the heart to tell anyone else. You told me before this all happened that you wanted it to appear to be an accident. I respected those wishes. But now that it's just us, I want to tell you that I understand why you did it. I'm just angry at myself for not being there to stop you. I should have seen the signs."

He grabbed her hand, and began drawing circles on it with his. "And it sucks because everyone out there cares about you. I'm pretty sure Jai is in love with you. And I'm convinced that you're in love with him. That's why you need to survive. Things will get better, Cat. It might not be easy, but it will." Jason felt a tear fall out of his eye. "I've been where you are. It happened last year, but I tried to take pills. Obviously, it didn't work," he let out a humorless chuckle. "And things aren't better yet. But in the short amount of our friendship, you have taught me that it will. You have taught me that it's okay to have dreams. I don't think you realize it, but when you're drunk, you say the most hopeful stuff. It really helped me. I'm convinced that with our friendship, I will get better. And I hope you do, too. I'm holding you to going parachuting one day," he chuckled.

He felt her move her fingers slightly. His heart began racing. "Come on Cat," he encouraged, "wake up."

After waiting an excruciatingly long two minutes, Cat's eyes fluttered open. She became aware of her surroundings. She was in a hospital room. _She was such a failure. She couldn't even kill herself right. _She felt like screaming. This was not supposed to happen. Cat turned her head and saw Jason sitting in the chair. "Jason? What are you doing here?" she asked her voice soft.

"Everyone's here," Jason replied. He did not mention that her parents had not returned yet. And he didn't think they were going to. "I'm so glad you're okay. Did you hear what I told you?"

Cat considered lying, but she had no reason to lie to Jason. He would not judge her. So she nodded her head slightly. "I'm sorry. I was hoping it would work so you wouldn't have to know that I tried to kill myself. And this brings you back to a bad place. _I messed everything up."_ Cat said as her voice broke on the last sentence.

"You messed nothing up, Cat. You were in a dark place, and I understand it. I've been where you are now. I will always be here for you Cat. We are friends, and that's what friends do," he told her sincerely.

They stared at each other for a while. With the help of the other one, they would get better. This friendship, although new, was one of the best Cat's ever had. "I'm glad I met you, Jason. You're such a great friend." Cat said sincerely which warmed Jason's heart.

"I'm glad I met you too. I'm assuming you want to see the boy you're so madly in love with, so I'll call him in here," Jason said and shot a smile towards Cat. "I'm so glad you're alive." And then he walked out.

* * *

When Jai heard that Cat was awake, his heart leaped out of his chest. He ran to her room, and tried to calm down when he reached the door. _Be cool,_ his mind told him. He collected himself as he entered the room. His sunshine was awake, shining as much as ever.

"Hi, sunshine," Jai greeted as he sat in the chair trying to act cool. This attempt made Cat giggle under her breath.

"Hey, Jai," Cat felt lighter immediately after seeing Jai. He was smiling, which she assumed he hadn't done for a while considering his bloodshot eyes. _She did this to him. She keeps messing everything up._ Still, she held a smile on her face, trying to hide everything that was wrong with her.

Jai couldn't help but notice that even in a hospital bed, Cat looked gorgeous. "How are you feeling?" Jai asked trying to make his voice sound light, but it probably sounded strained with excitement. After about 18 hours without his sun, finally seeing her made him filled with happiness.

Cat glanced around at her surroundings. Trying to turn off her mind, she looked at Jai. "I've been better," Cat admitted.

Jai tried to figure out ways to make her more comfortable. "Do you want me to fix your pillow?" Before he got a response, he walked next her bed and moved her pillow attempting to make her feel better.

"It actually was better before, but thanks," Cat joked around. They remained in a blissful silence for a bit, both content with the situation. But Cat couldn't let go of all of the thoughts that were surrounding her. That surrounded her for at least a year. It wasn't about to go away now. And she didn't know if they ever would. Most of all, she was filled with anxiety. She loved the boy she was staring at for so long, and she needed to accept he doesn't feel the same. It wasn't much of a blissful silence, after all.

Cat was debating internally whether or not to ask about them. Her feelings were quite obvious. They had been for a while. If she learned anything from this, is that life is short. She couldn't live her life waiting. But she also couldn't risk her friendship with Jai. He was too important to her. She wasn't important enough.

Jai was going through similar thoughts as well. If there was anything he learned from this, it was how much he adored the redhead, and how miserable he's be without her. She was his whole world.

"I think I'm in love with you," Jai blurted out, accidentally voicing his thoughts out loud. He hadn't meant to say it out loud, but when the redhead craned her neck towards him, there was no way to take it back.

Cat's heart started pounding in her chest. Did she hear him properly? Was he just saying that because he pitied her? Was it the amount of drugs she was on right now? Had she died and gone to heaven? She ignored all of the questions filling her mind, and all she could say was "Hm?"

Jai's heart was pounding just as fast. What was he doing? What he said was the truth, but this was not the time for this. This was not the time for his pathetic feelings that she would never return. Still, he repeated more confidently, "I'm in love with you."

* * *

The waiting room was crowded, but it felt like they were all a million miles away. Lexie was anxiously waiting to go visit Cat. While waiting, she started a conversation with Jason. It was mostly small talk, but it helped her not feel so alone.

While conversing with Jason, Lexie couldn't help but feel the whirlwind of anxiety filling around her. The situation was stressing her out. She knew logically, Cat would probably survive. The doctor told them she had improved, and she was awake. But she couldn't help but make a list of everything that could possibly go wrong. She felt on edge, fatigued, and exhausted. She feared going to sleep. What if something happened while she was sleeping? She hadn't felt this way since she was younger, and this triggered what she thought she got rid of; anxiety.

Jason wasn't much better. Although he told Cat that he was okay, he really wasn't. Jason did not judge anyone, he never had. But he didn't have the heart to tell Cat that what she did made him feel like killing himself again. He had tried, and he failed. What was there to live for, anyways? He finished high school, and he was lost. He had no direction in his life, no clue what he was good at. Jason constantly told himself that he is worthless. The pressure from his parents was too much. They wanted him to be something that would make them proud. Jason could make no one proud.

Tori's mind wouldn't stop telling her everything that was wrong with her. For the past several hours, her mind was consumed with thoughts about how she's not good enough. She never was good enough. She never will be good enough. The only reason she was awake was because her thoughts would not let her sleep. Tori had a lot of coffee. And the worst part was, all she could think about is how much weight she would gain from drinking the coffee. All of her hard work of becoming skinny, _acceptable,_ would all go to waste after having a couple cups of coffee. Tori began glaring at her coffee, silently cursing it for doing this to her. She bitterly put the coffee on a table, and tried to get rid of the thoughts.

Andre desperately wanted to go to sleep. But he knew that he wouldn't be able to. These past couple of months, he had gotten little sleep. And on the rare occasion that he did, he would often wake up in the middle of the night and not go to sleep again. _I'm__ just stressed. _That's what he told himself every time this happened. He was stressed because he needed to make the best music. He was stressed because he needed to get the best grades. That's what's causing him to not go to sleep. It also explained the new irritability he felt everyday. This is nothing to be concerned about, he constantly told himself.

Beck felt like he was reliving one of the worst things to ever happen to him. The memories played over and over in his head without his permission. The shattering glass, the smoke that filled the air, and the death of his mother. It happened a couple of years ago. Beck was running late for an acting class, and he was urging his mother to hurry up. And she listened. She hurried up so much that she didn't see the red truck that still haunted Beck to this day. Luckily, he survived, but his mother was not so fortunate. Beck lived with this guilt ever since. It also wasn't helpful that his dad became emotionally abusive, and constantly reminded him how Beck killed his mother. Flashbacks haunted him like a broken record. They just wouldn't stop.

Jade was not much better, but she hid her demons well. She felt awful about the whole situation, but she couldn't help but notice the gleam of the vase sitting on the small table. Her hand twitched, but she forced herself to stop. She did not want the vase, and she did not need it. She was filled with anxious feelings and adrenaline, mentally planning her way to take the vase. Jade suddenly began to hate herself. Why did this always happen to her? She knew the answer to the question, but she was too ashamed to say it out loud. _Kleptomania_.

Trina's mind needed to organize her thoughts. She needed a routine. And in this situation, there was none. All she could do was sit and wait. It was as if she was going crazy. She also couldn't help but notice how unorganized everything was. The chairs were not lined up, and the table was not centered. _I hope Cat dies. _That thought repeated in her head. Her mind latched onto it and would not release it. Obviously, she did not want that, but she couldn't let the thought go. I'm a terrible person, Trina constantly repeated to herself. She felt like crying. Trina knew what it was. She had been diagnosed with OCD, and she had treatment, but it didn't help her not feel trapped in her own mind.

They were all trying to be okay. They were all trying to be strong. They were all trying to fit in. They were all trying to put on a facade. _They were all failing._

The door creaked open, and surprisingly Jason's prediction was wrong. The only person who recognized the three people who entered were Lexie considering Jai and Cat were in the hospital room. Cat's parents and brother came in silently. They all looked unreadable, just as they had when they were here earlier. Still, they sat down causing the deafening silence fill with tension. They probably had the biggest facade of all, and they were not failing. They seemed impenetrable, and emotionless. _This was going to be bad, _Lexie thought as she was filled with more anxiety.

"What are you doing here?"


	22. Is It True Hurt People Hurt People?

**Finding Cat  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.

* * *

Cat wasn't sure how to respond to Jai. She obviously was in love with him too, but she couldn't help but make a mental list of everything that could go wrong. She knew it was stupid, and she knew it would stop her own happiness, but she didn't care. Cat didn't deserve happiness. She had felt that way her whole life. And now that she might have a chance at finding it, she was terrified of losing it.

So, Cat decided that she would do what she thought was the best thing for everyone. She would lie about her feelings to protect their friendship, and Tori. "What about Tori?" Cat knew it was irrational, but it was her way of protecting herself.

"I'm not in love with Tori. I'm in love with you," Jai replied, trying his best to not sound desperate. Why was she bringing up Tori? Didn't she realize that she was everything to him? This was obviously her way of letting him down easy. The only thing that could run through his brain is that she doesn't love him. It was stupid of him to announce his feelings.

Cat was at war with herself. She could see both sides, and yet all she wanted to do was to kiss him. She wanted to be with him. So, she decided to be reckless. "I'm in love with you, too," Cat replied shyly as she tried to avoid his gaze by looking around the hospital room. What now? What would happen after this? She continued, "I'm in love with how your eyes are the deepest shade of blue that I've ever seen. I love how I can never get that color out of my head. I love how when you look at me it feels like flowers are blooming and stars are shining brighter. I love how you make me feel safe. I love you."

Jai was ecstatic. He glanced at the girl who he had loved for so long, and he could feel his heart beating in his chest. What had he done to deserve someone as amazing as Cat? They held their gaze for what seemed like an eternity. It was finally blissful. Jai could feel himself fall more in love with Cat's chocolate brown eyes. Her eyes were the most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seen – the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. And he could lose himself in them.

"What now?" Cat asked muffled in her blankets. Jai stood up and kissed her head.

"Whatever you want."

* * *

Lexie was full of anger. No, the word anger was not a strong enough to describe how she felt. She was furious, disgusted, and annoyed. How dare these people come in and act as if everything was okay? These people, Cat's so called family, that caused ongoing pain to Cat every single day of her life. And now they act as if they could walk back in as if everything was okay? Lexie would not stand for it.

"What are you doing here?" Lexie repeated harsher with more venom in her voice. She could feel everyone's eyes on her, but she ignored it. That was not important. Her whole life she had been respectful to Cat's family, but now she would not stand for the way they treated Cat. She would not let them worm their way off the hook.

"We're here to visit our daughter in the hospital." The answer seemed so nonchalant, and if it was coming from anyone else, it might have even sounded sincere. But from their voice, it felt like a mockery to everything Cat was.

Cat was the best person Lexie had ever met. Lexie would go to the ends of the earth to defend her. And Cat would do the same for her. Lexie could see the concern in Jason's eyes as he came to the realization of who these people were. The anger was clearly visible on both of their faces. Everyone else in the room were all silent, afraid to say a word.

"Hm, do you even have a right to call Cat your daughter? You know, as parents you're supposed to support your kids decisions and stay with them throughout everything. You're not supposed to discourage them. You're not supposed to make them cry themselves to sleep _every fucking night _because of how you treat them. You're no parents at all." Lexie couldn't hold it back. She was releasing years and years of anger that was built up and she wasn't about to stop now. She didn't care what these people thought of her. And she never would.

"What would you know about parents, Alexa?" Cat's mom spit out, holding onto Lexie's gaze. Lexie felt her heart race and anger flow throughout her entire body. How dare they? Who do they think they are? "I mean, you only have one. The other one left you because he didn't want you. So before you start giving your oh so helpful advice, you might want to evaluate your life."

Cat's mom, Sophia, knew she crossed the line. She had a short temper, and she knew that this was just a defense mechanism to defend all of her mistakes. Sophia knew she was a terrible mother. She knew she was a terrible person. What she didn't know, is why she was always so cold hearted to Cat. At times, it seemed easier than being what a mother was supposed to be. She accepted a long time ago that she would never be a good mother to Cat. Cat was too ambitious. She wanted to do something meaningful with her life. She had dreams bigger than the sky. And Sophia was a pessimist. She thought it was pointless to dream of anything less than practical. Sophia had never dreamed or had an actual goal in life, and the fact that her daughter did terrified her. To her, it made sense to tear Cat down instead of letting the world do that to her.

Lexie felt tears well up in her eyes. Sophia's words affected her more than she let show. It happened years ago. But the memory haunted her. She was probably about 11 years old when her father left them. He found someone better than them. Lexie's dad had a new family, and he didn't care about her anymore. And that broke Lexie.

She held a strong gaze at Sophia. "And while we are evaluating our lives, why don't you evaluate how you've done a terrible job as a mother? Scratch that, how you've all done a terrible job of being a family. You are constantly trying to tear Cat apart. Who in their right minds does that kind of stuff? What is wrong with you? In all of the years that I've known you, all you've ever managed to do is put her down. So congratulations, you found something your good at. I just don't understand any of you. Does it make you feel good to make her feel small? When you push her down does it make you feel tall? Is it true that hurt people hurt people? What the hell is your problem?" Lexie could felt like she could literally feel her blood boiling, and she knew that everyone was trying to not pay attention to scene unfolding before them.

"You better watch your tone." Cat's dad, Robert, said trying to deny everything that Lexie was saying. He knew that she was right, but his pride got in the way. He had always had too much pride than he knew what to do with. He needed to be the best, and admitting that you're wrong was the worst thing to do. Robert was never really sure why he was so cold to Cat. Cat had always been so selfless, and so bold. He was jealous that she had her whole life in front of her. He felt like he wasted his. And jealousy and pride do not go hand in hand.

"And if I don't watch my tone, what'll happen? You guys have no authority over me. You can't do anything to me. So, what's going to happen now?" Lexie challenged them, not once breaking their gaze.

Cat's brother, Josh, saw the whole scene unfold as realization flooded his eyes of everything that was wrong with his family. He finally noticed how dysfunctional his family really was. "Mom, dad, I think we should leave."

"Why would we leave when our daughter is in the hospital?" Sophia responded with a hint of amusement in her voice. It took everything in Lexie (and Jason holding her back) to not lunge at her and attack Sophia.

Before anyone could respond, Josh led them out of the hospital without a word. Lexie could see through the glass door that Sophia and Robert were not happy with being told what to do, but they didn't return. Lexie returned to her seat near Jason and felt lighter. She felt free.

"Wow," Jason said in awe. "Now, that was impressive." Jason couldn't help but notice how strong Lexie is. She stood up for who she believed in, and did it without hesitation. Jason hadn't really thought anything about Lexie, but now he couldn't stop thinking about her.

Lexie felt her cheeks begin to heat up as she stared into Jason's eyes. "Thanks."

* * *

After a while, Jai returned to the waiting room feeling hopeful. Cat loved him. That's all that could repeat in his mind. He discarded all of the other negative thoughts such as what would happen with Tori. He felt awful about leading her on. Everything Tori said made sense to him. But Cat made him realize after the car accident that he could not live without Cat. He continued to ignore the guilt he felt as he sat down on the chair next to Jason. As soon as he sat down, Lexie popped up almost sprinting to go visit Cat.

Lexie was anxious, excited, and happy all at once. She had not seen her best friend breathing and alive yet for her own eyes, and she couldn't wait to see her. When she entered the room, it felt like Lexie could breathe again. Everything would be okay.

"How are you feeling?" Lexie asked anxiously. She received a nod in response, and she could tell Cat was becoming tired. Lexie could see the exhaustion in Cat's eyes and the overall sadness in them. Despite the earlier events, Cat couldn't help to continue to be suffocated by her violent thoughts.

Still, Cat tried to hide everything behind a smile. She was an expert in hiding what she felt. And honestly, she wasn't even sure what that was. Sometimes it felt like she couldn't feel anything at all. All she could feel is a numbness that was not going away. It was like being in a nightmare, but she was not dreaming.

"Yeah, everything is fine," Cat lied hoping Lexie wouldn't notice her fake smiles and broken voice. But Cat knew that she wasn't fooling anyone. Everything clicked in that minute. Lexie's mind was working and it wouldn't stop over contemplating every interaction until now.

"You tried to kill yourself, didn't you?"

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry that this chapter is kind of late and short, I am currently having to take a whole bunch of standardized tests and I have not have found time to write as often. The tests are almost over and then I will hopefully be updating more frequently. **


	23. Out Of Time

**Finding Cat  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.

* * *

You will die but now your life is free  
\- twenty one pilots

* * *

"Lexie, I'm really tired. Please let me sleep," Cat whispered. She was being honest, although it seemed like a lie. There was something making Cat feel an uncomfortable pain in her chest and was she was exhausted. She needed to sleep. So she did.

Lexie was understanding, but her mind was racing trying to figure out what happened to make Cat try to kill herself. Lexie knew that Cat was unhappy, but how deep did this unhappiness go? Enough for her to try to kill herself? Lexie was thinking about this for about half an hour when she was broken apart from her thoughts. There was a beeping noise coming from one of the many machines that were keeping Cat alive. It was beeping rapidly as was Lexie's heart. Quickly, Lexie called the nurse in here to figure out the problem. A whole bunch of nurses and doctors flooded in here all having a task in mind. Everything was going way to fast. Hot tears began flooding Lexie's face without permission.

"You need to leave. Something is happening with Caterina and you cannot be in here anymore," the nurse informed her hurriedly and sympathetically. Lexie left and ran back to the waiting room shaking. When she entered, everyone became alert of her.

"Lexie, what's wrong?" She wasn't sure who the voice was because the room seemed to be spinning.

"It's Cat. She was sleeping and all of a sudden the monitors started beeping and doctors came in. I'm not sure what's going on." Lexie said the terror evident in her voice. Jai didn't know that tears could form so quickly based off of a few sentences. This was not happening. About an hour ago, she was fine. She told him she loved him. Jai felt like denying everything he had just heard.

The look of complete heartbreak spread across everyone's faces. They would have to wait in agony for news.

* * *

The waiting room became similar to what it had been before; and dread lingered in the air. Cat was brought back into the intensive care unit for about half an hour. That was the only news that they had received. No one was sure what had gone wrong, especially when everything had been so right.

"Lexie, do you want to go wash up? I'll text you if anything happens," Tori offered. Lexie took a deep breath and began walking towards the bathroom. The crisp white walls made her want to scream. She began to splash water in her face hoping to clean the makeup running down her face. She looked in the mirror and saw how tired she was. Her face was covered in makeup, and she had purple circles underneath her eyes. When was the last time she went to sleep? She didn't think she's slept since they arrived in the hospital

Jai was sitting in his waiting chair, waiting to hear something, _anything_ from anyone. They had waited enough to last a lifetime. He was sick of waiting, he needed to know what happened. He couldn't help but feel the hope disappear. Jai thought that he would finally be with Cat, but then something happens to ruin it all. Lexie returned after a bit and she sat back down in the agonizing blue chair and began making small talk with Jason.

The doctor walked out, his expression completely unreadable. "I'm sorry," He began then paused. He wasn't sure how to give the news. "It appears that we underestimated the severity of her injuries, so her lungs gave out. I'm so sorry."

The words were enough to shatter them all. She was just, _gone. _

* * *

Death is hard, and grief can tear you apart. And that's what it did. It tore everyone who ever knew her, talked to her, _smiled at her. _ Lexie was a mess, and she could constantly cried to Jai every night just wishing that this was all some sort of sick cruel joke. It made her sick that her best friend, her sister, would never wake up again. Cat would never see another sunset. Cat would never see the natural beauty that life had to offer. More importantly, Cat would never see things get better.

Jai was emotionless. He tried to be strong for Cat and for Lexie, but he knew that it would only make him worse in the long run. He and Tori had a mutual breakup after Cat's death because it was just too hard for them. He missed Cat, he loved her, and he would never forget her.

It's hard on her funeral, seeing Cat so lifeless. Cat's parents didn't speak at the funeral because they felt ashamed for everything. Sophia regretted not teaching her it was okay to dream. All she had done it tear Cat down. Now, it would be too late to say she loved her. Robert regretted not spending time with her or bonding with her. Now, it was too late.

They had all just run out of time. _It's too late for everything._

Lexie broke down halfway through her speech and she gave up on trying to get through the bitter words written on her flashcards. She sobs and sobs saying that Cat was her best friend and she would always be apart of her.

Jason didn't think he could cry so much over the loss of a person. It's hard for him to sleep because every time he closes his eyes, he remembers the conversation that should have been a clear sign. How could he have missed it? How could he have been so stupid? Jason convinced himself that Cat's death was his fault. And that broke him. He doesn't say much anymore, he just sits in his empty bedroom letting his thoughts eat him alive. _Sometimes quiet is violent._

On Monday, it was clear that everyone was anxious. The girl that they had ignored, tore down, was now nonexistent. The principal made note that Cat Valentine would be missed, but it seemed like a dream. _No, a nightmare._

* * *

Lexie found herself at the roof of the school. She hadn't meant to go up there, she just felt drawn to it. She was sitting on the ledge admiring the view of the Hollywood sign in the distance. If the situation were different, she might have even said it was a beautiful moment. But it wasn't. She felt a hole in her heart from where Cat should be. Cat had always showed her how to dream, and she was there when her father left.

Lexie was affected majorly by her father's abandonment. It happened when she was 11. She felt stupid for still being upset about it. Lexie felt like she should just, get over it. But she couldn't. Lexie was just a child, and she already made someone leave her? She couldn't help but compare the feeling of her father leaving to the feeling of Cat leaving. Although the situations were very different, it gave her the same feeling of emptiness. And this time, Cat wouldn't be there for her. For the first time in her whole life, Cat wouldn't be there for her.

She didn't hear the footsteps approaching, so when she noticed them, she almost fell off the ledge in fear. It was Jason. He somehow entered the school without a student card, and was now joined with Lexie on the roof.

"How bad would it be if I jumped?" She asked him quietly as she heard a sigh escape Jason's lips.

For the first time since Cat's death, he said. "It would be pretty bad." He carefully took a step closer. "Please don't think like that. You have so much to live for." He felt like crying for her, for Cat, for the future, for his whole messed up life.

"Whatever you do, please don't lie to me. It will not get better. Cat's dead. She's dead! She's not coming back. I want to see her again. Cat's always been my rock. She's gone now, so what can I do? Sit around and pretend it will get better. It won't." Her words had an affect on her, and she began sobbing. Through her sobs, she shouted, "And what's worse it that she killed herself!"

Jason tried to keep a voice of reason, but tears were filling his eyes at the sight of all the heartbreak and pure agony that they had been going through. Still, he tried to calm her her down. "We'll all get through this. Cat would want us to get through this. We just need to stick together."

"What would you know about what Cat would want?! You've been here for a couple of weeks, she's been my best friend for years! How will I live without her?" Lexie yelled. She knew she was being unreasonable. She also knew how well Jason and Cat knew each other. She didn't care about any of that. She just wanted to blame someone for this, even though there was no one to blame.

They were out of time.

* * *

**A/N: Leave a review of what you thought of the chapter! I'm thinking of ending the story in a couple of chapters.**


	24. Finding Cat

**Finding Cat  
**Disclaimer: I do not own anything used in this story. They all belong to their respective owners.

* * *

It had been a few weeks since Cat died. It only seemed to get harder for everyone because there was something they wanted to tell Cat every single day. Whether it be that they completely failed a test, that they really enjoyed the ice cream from their sacred ice cream shop, or that Cat was incredibly strong. It pained all of them to have so much left to say, but not being able to say it. They tried hard to recover from this, but it only seemed to get worse. Their days seemed meaningless, and their conversations held no point to them.

They say the first thing you forget about a person is their voice. Lexie never believed any of this. She thought it was all bullshit. What kind of friend could forget their best friend's voice? But she found herself at Cat Valentine's grave, struggling to remember what Cat's voice sounded like. This pained her more than anything because it had only been a few weeks. How would it be in a couple of years? Would Cat Valentine just be a distant memory? Someone who had been Lexie's best friend for a couple of years and then died?

But here she was, tracing Cat's name on her grave, trying to remember how light her voice was. How when they were younger, how she had a lisp. And her singing voice. _God, _her singing voice. It could create world peace. For a while, Lexie heard Cat's voice. In her memories, her dreams, and in her heart. But it was all starting to fade away. And Lexie hated how that was happening.

The recovery was hard and it happened slowly. Jason would mention a joke that Cat would have enjoyed. That's when Lexie realized she didn't even remember Cat's laugh. She spent the whole day trying to remember it. It never came back to her. That night, she stayed up and refused to sleep. She wanted to remember. No, she _needed_ to remember. But as usual, there was nothing but quiet.

Lexie chewed nervously on her bottom lip as she continued tracing Cat's name on the grave. She can barely feel it. Lexie is miles away, living in a distant memory of Cat Valentine. It hurts. It hurts because she's gone, it hurts because Lexie can't remember her voice, it hurts because she can't remember the beautiful shade of her brown eyes, and it hurts because she's never coming back.

Lexie ended up falling asleep on the gravestone, and Jason found her and brought her back to his house.

"Thank you," Lexie said quietly as she was cleaning the makeup coated all over her face. She couldn't help but think about how Cat's voice would never come back to her. She was tired of convincing herself she would hear her best friend's voice. All she could hear was silence.

"Yeah, it's not a problem," Jason replied. "How long were you at her grave?"

Lexie glanced at Jason and studied his features. His brown hair was a bit messy, as if he spent the whole night running his hands through it. His blue eyes were a bit puffy, but he tried to hide it. Lexie had to admit that Jason was attractive.

"I was there all night long." Lexie hesitated. "Is it getting harder to remember her voice?" Her voice quivered and she held back her tears.

Jason nodded in agreement. "Some days are harder than others. I can barely remember the day I met her. God, it feels like forever ago. I wish I would have known. I would have remembered every detail."

They sat in silence for a while, thinking.

* * *

Lexie was dreading going into Cat's room and hadn't been in there since Cat died. But she couldn't take the agony she felt of her fading memories. She needed a way to remember everything. She came across something unusual. Hidden in a drawer was a crumpled piece of paper neatly folded.

iMessage Group: _squad_

lexie: **guys i think i found something**

jai:** found what**

tori: **where r u **

lexie: **i'm in cat's room. i think i found a suicide note.**

jason: **on my way**

Lexie began nervously fiddling with the edge of the paper, too scared to read the contents. Jai was the first one that arrived, and everyone followed almost instantly. They all sat in various areas of the room, too scared to do anything.

"I'll read it," Jason offered when he noticed it was too hard for everyone else. As usual, he took the role of being the strong one. Lexie already had already began crying. "Dear Family, and yes I mean family because all of you guys are my family. When you read this letter, I will already have been gone." Jason paused for a second and tried to compose himself. "And t-that's okay. I need you guys to be okay with that. I want you to know that this decision had nothing to do with any of you, so don't blame yourself."

Jason took that to heart. Ever since this happened, he believed it was his fault. He should have seen the signs. But, he's beginning to realize that it isn't his fault.

"For a long time, I haven't been myself. Jai, do you remember when I asked about the sun dying? That's how I've felt. My light has been d-dying. I didn't know what to hold on to. I felt like I was losing everything. I tried to get it back, but I couldn't see a point. I-I couldn't picture a future where I would be happy." Jason stopped and began sobbing. For a while, everyone joined in.

"I'll continue it," Tori offered and wiped tears off of her face. "This is my goodbye letter. I know you all probably hate me and think I'm selfish... but I needed to be happy. Everything happens for a reason, right?" Tori paused for a moment and studied everyone's faces and positions. Jai was seated on the floor, hugging one of Cat's stuffed animals. Lexie and Jason were on the bed comforting each other. "Maybe there is a reason I'm meant to go this way. Maybe it was fate. I would like to think that I made an impact on people. And that's what matters, right? Still, there is a thought plaguing me. What if I'm not successful?I know that it is my time to move on, but I can't help thinking what if it doesn't work? She wrote a paragraph for each one of us. I think we should all read ours individually."

Tori began to read hers. "Tori, despite the fact that we have not been friends for that long, I will miss you. I remember how it was in the 9th grade before all of this popularity tore us apart. I would like to think that we were like that now. I know you will become a huge pop star and end up being iconic. I hope you don't forget about me on the way. I want you to know that you are very beautiful, and you are loved." Tori held back tears in her eyes and passed the letter to Jason.

He held the letter tightly and began reading which was difficult due to his tears. "Jason, my 'get away from the world friend', even though I haven't known you that long, you made a huge impact on my friends and I. You were always there for me and I feel awful about how I won't be there for you. You are a ray of sunshine, please don't let this take away your light. I know how this affects you, and I'm begging that you won't relapse. Jason, no matter what you do, you will be great. Who cares what your parent think? If you don't know what you want to do, take some time to figure it out. The only thing I need for your future is for you to be happy." The letter was passed silently to Jai.

"Jai. Where do I even begin? While I am writing this, I've had to decide whether or not I love you. You know what I've decided? I'm hopelessly, madly, without a doubt in love with you. I'm proud to admit that to myself. I hope you treasure every moment we had together, I sure did. Do you remember that time you dressed as an old lady to get Lexie and I out of class? That's when I realized I was in love with you." Jai had to stop reading to smile at the memory. Tears were streaming down his checks. "I hope you find love with someone else. I just want you to be happy."

Lastly, it was passed to Lexie. "Alexa, this is by far the hardest thing I am ever going to do in my life. The girl with the biggest heart. I love you so much. I'm not sure how my life would have turned out if you weren't in it. You make me so happy, and it kills me knowing how sad this will make you. God, I love you so much. More than I ever thought I could love somebody. You have always been there for me. Through everything. You're my other half, love. You are going to get everything you want in life, even if I'm not there with you. Please understand that none of this is your fault. I pray to God that you don't blame yourself. It was just my time. Everything happens for a reason. Thank you for being my sister, my safe place, and for just being Lexie. I love you more than words can say."

Lexie took a long time and tried to steady her breathing. She loved Cat so much, and reading that was by far the hardest thing she has ever done. Lexie looked us and signaled that she finished reading her little paragraph.

"Lexie? What does the end say?" Jai asked.

Lexie began to read aloud. "Please don't s-shed any more tears. I want all of you to be happy. I know this is hard. It will feel pointless for a while. Just know that I'm in a better place. I'm happy. I hope I've made as much impact on all of you -" Lexie paused and tried catching her breath. "as you've made on me. I hope I've finally found myself."

They all sat there shattered. They knew they wouldn't be okay for a while. They knew it was going to be a long time before they felt better. But, they also knew that it would get better. Because in the end, Cat Valentine is happy.

* * *

**A/N: So, this is the last chapter. I really hope that you've all enjoyed the story. I apologize for the long wait time, but Fanfiction deleted a part of this chapter and I had to rewrite it. Well, I guess this is goodbye.**


End file.
